How to overcome shyness

Youth Focus with Dr Manners Msongelwa

SHYNESS is badly affecting several learners at school. In a classroom situation, learners opt to keep quiet. Shy learners don’t want to present or contribute anything in the classroom. They are always afraid of what others will say about their contribution. Such learners end up not doing well in their exams.

Learners, however, can overcome this challenge. Here are some ways to assist you:

 How to overcome shyness

Start small with people you know. Practice social behaviours like eye contact, confident body language, small talk, asking questions, and invitations with the people you feel most comfortable around. Smile. Build your confidence this way. Then branch out to do this with new friends, too.

Think of some conversation starters. Often, the hardest part of talking to someone new is getting started. Think of conversation openers, like introducing yourself (“Hi, I’m Natasha, how was the History lesson today?”), giving a compliment (“That satchel looks great on you”), or asking a question (“Do you know when our homework is due?”). Being ready with a conversation starter (or a few) makes it easier to approach someone.

Rehearse what to say

When you’re ready to try something you’ve been avoiding because of shyness, like a presentation, write down what you want to say beforehand. Rehearse it out loud, maybe even in front of the mirror. Then just do it. Don’t worry if it’s not exactly like you practised or if it’s not perfect. Few of the things more confident-seeming people do are perfect either. Be proud that you gave it a go. Next time, it’ll be even better because it will be easier.

Give yourself a chance. Find group activities where you can be with people who share your interests. Give yourself a chance to practice socialising with these new people, and get to know them slowly. Learners who are shy often worry about failing or how others will judge them. Worries and feelings like these can keep you from trying. If self-criticism plays a role for you, ask yourself whether you’d be this critical of your best friend. Chances are you’d be much more accepting. So treat yourself like your own best friend. Encourage yourself instead of expecting to fail.

Develop your assertiveness. Because shy learners can be overly concerned with other people’s reactions, they don’t want to rock the boat. That doesn’t mean they’re cowardly. But it can mean they are less likely to be assertive. 

Being assertive means speaking up for yourself when you should, asking for what you want or need, or telling other people when they’re stepping on your toes.

NB: *Remember you are the best. Don’t be defined by other learners’ opinions. Be confident in yourself.

Dr Manners Msongelwa is an author, teacher and youth coach. He can be contacted on : +263 771 019 392