Online Reporter
Dear Tete Joyie:
I got married right after completing my first degree.
I now have a job, but it does not pay well.
My husband has a well-paying job and takes care of our household expenses. I want to further my education, but my husband is refusing to pay for it. He says it is my parents’ responsibility to cover my educational costs. My salary goes towards my car loan, so I can’t use it for school. I feel angry and sad at the same time. Please help.
Tete Joyie Says:
I hear the frustration and sadness in what you are describing. It is tough when your goals for growth and independence feel blocked, especially by someone close to you. Let us break this down a bit.
Understanding the situation
Financial dependence: Right now your husband covers household expenses which gives him leverage in financial decisions. That can feel disempowering.
Education as investment: Furthering your studies is not just a personal dream it can increase your earning potential and reduce reliance on him in the long run.
Cultural expectations: His statement that your parents should pay may reflect cultural or personal beliefs about responsibility, but it does not align with the idea of marriage as a partnership.
Possible way forward
Open communication: Share how his refusal makes you feel not just financially, but emotionally. Frame education as a shared investment in your future together.
Alternative funding: Explore scholarships, grants, or employer-sponsored programs. This reduces reliance on him or your parents.
Budget adjustments: Even with your car loan, small adjustments or side income could help. Sometimes showing effort toward self-funding softens a partner’s stance.
Emotional side
Your anger and sadness are valid. It is not just about money, it is about feeling supported in your dreams. A healthy partnership should encourage growth, not limit it. Even if he disagrees, your education is your right to pursue.
Mom angry over dad’s medication support
Dear Tete Joyie:
I have a problem and I need your help. I send my parents an equal amount of money every month. My dad takes hypertension medication, so I also include extra money for his medication. My dad is very grateful and always calls me after receiving the money. My mom, on the other hand, does not call or text when I send her money. She feels it is her right to receive it, which I don’t have a problem with. The issue is that she does not like me sending money to my dad and even complains about the extra money for his medication. How can I best deal with this?
Tete Joyie Says:
It sounds like you are caught in the middle of a delicate family dynamic wanting to support both parents equally, but facing tension because of how your mom interprets your choices. The key here is to balance respect, transparency, and boundaries so that your generosity does not become a source of conflict. Here is a step-by-step way to approach it:
Clarify your intentions
Reflect first
Get clear on why you send money and what values guide your support.
Remind yourself that your goal is to care for both parents fairly
Recognise that your dad’s medication is a health necessity, not favouritism
Decide what balance feels right to you
Acknowledge your mom’s feelings
Show empathy for her perspective before explaining your own.
Say: “I understand you feel strongly about how the money is divided, and I want you to know I respect your feelings.”
• Avoid dismissing her concerns, even if you disagree
• Listen without interrupting
• Validate her role as your mother
Explain your reasoning calmly
Key conversation
Share why you send extra for medication without making it sound like favouritism.
Say: “Dad’s health requires medication, and I want to make sure he does not struggle to afford it. This does not mean I value you less.”
• Use “I” statements to avoid sounding accusatory
• Emphasise fairness and care for both parents
• Keep the focus on health, not preference
Set boundaries around your support
Make it clear that your financial help is your choice and comes from love.
• Decide what amount you can consistently give without guilt
• Communicate that you will continue supporting both parents equally
• Let her know you won’t stop helping with medical needs
Offer emotional reassurance
Balance financial support with emotional connection.
• Call or text her regularly to show care beyond money
• Remind her that your support is not just financial
• Strengthen the bond with gestures of love and attention
By approaching this with empathy and firmness, you can reduce tension while staying true to your values. Your mom may not change her view immediately, but consistent reassurance and clear boundaries will help her see that your actions come from love, not favouritism.
If you are looking for advice on the tricky situation that you find yourself in, WhatsApp 0716069196, and Tete Joyie will assist you in solving the problem. Remember, all those who write in remain anonymous
