Hubby’s attitude stressing me

Dear Tete — My husband’s domineering attitude puts me completely off.
He tells me what things I should do, when and how I should do them even in my territory.
When I try to reprimand bad behaviour in children he tells me off right in front of them to the extent that when I reprimand them in his absence they say “Dakukutaurira kuna daddy utukwe”. My mother used to say “muti unopingwa uchiri mupfupi” loosely translated it means bad behaviour should be nipped in the bud but not so with my children.

He orders the maid around as if I don’t exist.
He even tells me how to welcome visitors from his side of the family but on the contrary he gives my relatives, my mother to be more precise, an attitude whenever she comes visiting.

I have tried to bend to his rules but am now at breaking point.
I have lost virtually all respect from the children and the maid.
Instead of being in a marriage we are in co-existence.
Beauty Runako.
Penhalonga.

Dear Beauty
I am touched by your plight firstly I would like to say marriage comes from God and should be respected by both parties.
Your husband is instilling a bad behaviour in your kids and it’s true that it should be nipped in the bud. My dear, try seeking audience with husband and let him know that you are not happy at all with his behaviour. I know that for most people to get married they would have fallen in love so try retracing your courtship days when you were deeply in love and discuss this issue under romantic mood.

If you go to church try getting advice as a couple from your church elders and if you are not comfortable with going the church route try to engage an independent counsellor.

For your marriage to succeed communication is the key.
Beauty, you should also check yourself and see if you haven’t contributed to this ugly behaviour in your husband. Are you doing what a wife should do in a marriage?
As far as the maid is concerned don’t let your husband depend on the maid so much. Tell the maid that you do everything for your husband and if your husband orders her around, she should seek permission from you first. Most marriages are broken because of dependency syndrome of couples on maids. He should also respect your mother and your family as he does his. Don’t give up and keep keeping on.

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