‘ I am better off being a woman’

Fadzayi Maposah

Correspondent

‘There was a day this week I was longing to be a man! So I went on to study the males around me. 

At the end of it all, I decided that I am better off just being a woman. 

When most men are taking a bath, they use the basic of toiletries – at least the ones that I know and observed. Just water and soap will do the work for them and they will feel that they have what it takes for the day ahead. 

As I was doing the “survey”, I realised that most men are not worried about the type of bath soap; as long it is soap, it is fine with them. 

One male shared that when he goes into the bathroom and he cannot find bath soap, he will make use of anything that foams! 

When he said that I tried visualising the products in a bathroom that produce foam. Imagine too… the things that some of our male relatives could be using to bath are scary to say the least…

Since being told that I have come to the conclusion that men want to minimise time spent in the bathroom so as to reduce exposure time.

Those who have males in the household, always make sure that the bathroom has soap. There are also some females who could be doing the same.

Body cream after the short stint in the bathroom can be anything, to the extent that if one leaves the baby`s products nearby, they will have big male fingers dipped into them! 

There are some men though who take forever when bathing such that if there is warm water in the geyser they will finish it all. Those are in the minority I guess.

There are some men who love shaving, so they do that routinely. I hear some shave every day.

 I cannot recall how my father WaMambo went about that. It was done in the privacy of the bathroom. All I know is there were shaving sticks in the bathroom closet and razor blades were part of the grocery shopping list at our house. 

All I all know is my father was clean shaven all his life. 

So you can imagine that as a young girl, I was one of those who stared at men with beards. 

I was always awe struck by the amount of hairs on one`s face and how the men seemed to be so comfortable with that weight on their faces! 

As I got older, it all made sense.

Please forgive your children and young relatives when you see them staring at bearded men and even if they attempt to pull at the beards! They are just curious.

Still on males. Then it comes to what some males eat. 

They can eat anything and anyhow. Especially the ones who are single and stay alone. These can have breakfast at night and supper in the morning and they will be comfortable with what they will be doing! 

They can also eat from the pot, to reduce the dishes that they wash up.

If eating from the pot is a male trait, I could have some male genes because occasionally I eat from the pot. 

I eat from the pot just to make sure that I have eaten everything that the pot holds. Some of you may be thinking that this came as a result of menopause, no!

I began doing this a long time ago when all my hormones were in abundance or maybe even an overflow. 

How many males do you know will ask at a meal what rice they are eating? 

Such questions are basically asked by females who may want then in the future buy that rice so that they also try it out. 

Ask a male to buy rice, he will buy any type of rice and should you ask him why he bought that rice he will be surprised by the question and can simply retort: “You asked me to get rice.”

So I guess I was longing to be a man because I just did not want to do some things.

There are moments that I want to be quiet, just quiet but the people around me will not allow me to be quiet. They will ask questions such as “What is wrong?” and I will respond genuinely “Nothing.”

That word nothing is what will spark long discussions! Especially if I am asked by another female. 

It is totally amazing how being quiet can suddenly see one being exposed to a long lecture that relates to moods, hormones and menstruation or lack of it!

Seriously are those the only things that contribute to one being quiet? What about some self-introspection? Realigning goals and targets? 

I have never seen a quiet man who is affected by “nothing” being lectured. Is it because we do not know much about male hormones or that we know that no male will stand a lecture about “nothing”?

Let me be a woman anytime. Allow me to listen to the dictates of my body occasionally and respond as the hormones lead as long as it does not infringe on the rights of others. 

Let me be a woman anytime, allow me to nurse my period pain with all the courage that I may need. 

Let me be a woman anytime, quiet and be content with the answer that surely nothing is affecting me.

Trust me as a woman, when I ready to talk, I will talk and at times you may not be ready to listen. 

Let me be a woman particular about the soaps to use and the different towels to take to the bathroom when I need to bath. 

Let me be a woman who understands that staining a dress does not mean that one is careless, it is just a mishap.