Online Reporter
Mudzimba
Dr Rebecca Chisamba
Dear Amai, I am a 25-year-old woman. My husband is 24. We got married on December 22, 2024, so this is our first anniversary. We have no children yet, but the pressure from family and friends is overwhelming. Despite being gainfully employed, I am lonely.
My husband is distant and prefers his peers’ company to mine. He provides whatever I ask for but is never emotionally available. My sisters-in-law complain about the same issue. When I try to talk to him, he insists that our material possessions are all that matters.
Response
Hello and thanks for reaching out. Your letter made me sad. You are still in the first year of your marriage. This is widely regarded as the honeymoon phase.
Did you attend pre-marital counselling? It is vital for preparing you for the transition from a relationship into a marriage. A marriage thrives on the bond between partners, not material wealth. A spouse should be a lifelong companion.
Regarding your family and friends, do not allow them to put you under pressure; children are a gift from God, and you cannot control His timing. I strongly suggest you seek professional counselling to navigate these emotional hurdles.
It is important to get your husband on board in your marriage. While provision is essential, you also need to nurture the bond between the two of you. I hope to hear from you again.
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My wife has a poverty mindset
Dear Amai, I am a 35-year-old father of two and quite well off.
My wife previously had a low-paying job, so I told her to resign. She was unhappy with the decision and has now started a poultry project. I find selling chickens quite embarrassing.
I am a man and do not need a woman’s financial assistance.
Recently, I gave her money for Christmas groceries.
She insisted on writing detailed lists for our parents and ourselves rather than just shopping freely. Amai, please tell her that I do not want this “petty” assistance.
Response
Let me start off by saying greetings, dear writer. I hope your wealth is hard-earned and well-managed. In my view, you are fortunate to have a hardworking wife. Her poultry project is likely just a small business and a hobby, not a sign of poverty. Some may even term it a passion project. If you do not need her help, let her keep her earnings while you continue to provide.
Remember, you are wealthy but not invulnerable. If anything happens to you, she must be capable of holding the fort and looking after the kids. Furthermore, writing lists shows she is organised, not lacking.
hat she is doing is perfectly in order. Stop making a storm in a teacup and be more supportive of your partner. There is no “I” in a team.
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Between a rock and
a hard place
Amai makadii? I am 29 and my wife is 24. We have a six-month-old baby. We live in a two-roomed flat in Harare. My brother-in-law recently moved to Gweru and asked if my mother-in-law could stay with us for a fortnight when she will be around for her medical check-up.
Our space is very limited, and I am hesitant to agree.
My wife is pleading with me as her family has no other option.
I do not want to disappoint anyone but the flat is simply too small. What should I do?
Response
I am very well and thanks for inquiring. Congratulations on the birth of your newborn baby.
While your space is small, consider the circumstances: Your mother-in-law is coming to town for essential medical care, not a holiday.
Her family showed respect by asking rather than imposing. You are putting your wife in a difficult position regarding her mother’s health. Two weeks is a short time; please try to make it work.
How you respond will show your character. Prove that you are a supportive family member.
Feedback: beckychisamba @gmail.com
