Online Reporter
Rodgers Irimayi
Cultural Perspectives
IN my previous article I wrote on the impact of divorce on women, and this week I will dwell on divorce’s far-reaching impact on children.
In as much as women are affected by separation, children are worse-off as they get emotionally and psychologically affected which may have long-term effects on their social well-being.
In our patriarchal society, men tend to adjust faster after separation and sometimes before even concluding the divorce.
They get into new relationships and even remarry quickly to reestablish a new household in order to meet cultural expectations of masculinity and family leadership roles.
It cannot be underestimated that children get affected and go through emotional distress whenever there is conflict within the family, especially between parents.
They may experience feelings of sadness, anxiety, anger, and guilty which in turn affect their academic performance in class.
When parents separate, children feel the loss and grief as their once intact family dissolves creating uncomfortable changes.
Divorce may cause children to go through social stigma, leading to judgments, gossip, or ostracism by family members, peers, and the broader community.
When parents separate, it has a devastating psychological impact on children as they struggle to change to new living arrangements and sometimes to single parenting styles, and other family dynamics.
The experience may decrease their self-esteem and self-confidence as they go through feelings of abandonment or rejection.
When children are affected by divorce, it may impact on their social relationships as it might force them to make changes in their relationships with friends, family members, and other adults.
They may end up exhibiting behavioural complications such as acting out or withdrawal, as a way to cope with their emotions.
They may pretend to be accepting the situation as though everything is right, but inside they will be suffering.
There are also varying factors to consider such as the age and developmental stages that contribute to how the children respond to divorce.
Older children tend to adjust faster and better than minor children.
Besides considering the ages of children in a marriage, the level of conflict between parents and the quality of parenting can significantly impact on children’s adjustment to divorce.
If the father has been highly abusive, children might easily adjust and accept the new safe environment ushered through divorce.
It might be safer to stay with relatives away from an abusive father who beats up his wife and children.
The presence of supportive family members, friends, and professionals can help mitigate the negative effects of divorce on children.
Lack of support may lead to long term negative effects and at the same time increasing the risks of mental health such as depression and anxiety.
Divorce might also result in children experiencing relationship challenges in their own romantic relationships, including increased risk of divorce.
To mitigate these challenges involves special treatment for the children as they grow and the most effective is co-parenting, a situation which helps reduce conflict and is more stable.
It should be noted here that where a marriage crumbles, women play the major part as traditional gender roles dictate that women bear primary responsibility of caring for the children.
It is important to consider caring for children by both parents’ divorce as there is need for providing emotional support.
Children need their parents’ love and someone who listens and considers their feelings and concerns.
Their parents should provide them a sense of security, so they have to be present to spend quality time with them.
The parents should cooperate and work together to make decisions and provide a united front for proper co-parenting.
Although parents need to respect each other’s boundaries, they should both practise their parenting styles.
Their support for the children is paramount and they need to maintain relationships grandparents, and other important family members.
It is therefore important to come up with a co-parenting plan which outlines how as co-parents they will share responsibilities and make decisions.
Both parents should be flexible and willing to adjust with approaches that accommodate each other and the children’s needs.
The complexity of co-parenting requires support from family, friends, or even a therapist to assist in copying with the challenges faced in co-parenting.
On the other hand, single parenting is challenging when it comes to instilling discipline and boundary setting.
Single parents may need to provide emotional support to their children at the same time managing their own emotions.
Mothers as single parents may face challenges managing behavioural issues in their children especially if the father refuses to share parenting responsibilities.
When faced with high responsibilities in single parenting, some women who fail to get financial support from the children’s father end up engaging in sex-work.
When pushed to the extremes of poverty, other women abandon the children who end up on the streets begging for food.
It is prudent for close relatives and communities to ensure children of divorced parents are in safe hands and getting the necessary support in terms of school fees, food, shelter and their general health.
Children require caregivers who step in to mitigate the divorce effects and if the situation comes to the worse, the government may come in to ensure there is conducive environment for the children.
Traditional leaders and teachers in schools play a pivotal role in identifying and ensuring such children are supported.
Rodgers Irimayi is the Ministry of Information, Publicity and Broadcasting Services Masvingo Provincial Information Officer. He writes in his personal capacity and can be contacted on +263778246098 or [email protected].
