adminweekend. We would fish at the same spot.
As novices our catch was almost similar. We even gave out rubbers names such as Mai Ruby, Chocolate, Baba wa Nga, MuChina, Mubvakure and many other names to spice our game. However, as the days progressed our friend Richard started turning into a proficient fisherman.
As the days progressed I noticed that Richard was fishing alone most of the time. His efficiency rate was increasing but he was beginning to shows signs of unhappiness and loneliness. Somehow he was slowly degenerating into a square peg in a round hole.
As a group we used to phone each other once in every two days but after what happened with Richard, I decided to stop phoning him to arrange our favourite Saturday sport. Little did I know that my other colleagues had also stopped calling him at almost the same time.
The interesting aspect of this new development is we did not discuss or arrange to isolate Richard, it just happened. He started coming to the dam alone. We would meet at the dam sometimes and talk though our conversations appeared forced more than natural.
Richard had outgrown our club although he was slow to realise that he had to move on.
We all want to get to the top but sometimes we attain this goal at a heavy price — loneliness.
Richard took a long time to adjust to the new sad reality that he will be fishing alone.
Every time he tried to join us, we would move away from him. Richard became a lonely fisherman. He struggled to come to grips with this reality. He could not embrace the fact that progress comes at a social cost. You can be a victim of your own success.
Recently he told me that when we started isolating him he thought that there was something wrong with him. When he saw the rate at which the rift between him and us was widening, he felt useless.
At one point he questioned whether he was suitable to be part of the group in the first place given that he had a rural background (just like me) and the rest were urbanites.
However, he quickly got over this thought when he reasoned that there was nothing affluent about fishing anyway.
He confessed that he had observed the bond that once tied us together was breaking but was not in a position to stop it from breaking.
He said it took him a long time to appreciate that our attachment to each other was broken by his ability to learn faster than all of us.
He had to choose between progress and mediocrity. He stuck to his quest for self-improvement in fishing.
This is similar to the situation most managers/progressive people find themselves in.
When people change jobs, places of worship and even residential locations there are some social dislocations, which occur.
The most affected are introverts. Introverts take a relatively longer time to break social barriers in new social settings because they are already withdrawn from society unlike extroverts who are outgoing and can fit into various situations easily.
As prospective leaders move up the ladder, they lose some of their friends and colleagues. The bond that used to bind them together loosens.
At times it takes managers a long time to realise this fact until they are subjected to loneliness and boredom. The boredom is further enhanced by their personal assistants or secretaries who erect further barriers to isolate them from their peers and associates.
They in most cases make it a point that visitors and colleagues are given an impression that the manager is busy even though the manager could be playing games on the computer.
On the other hand, secretaries serve a very important business aspect of filtering the issues which can be handled elsewhere.
In addition, the higher a manager climbs the ladder of progress, the greater are the pressures and stress that confront them.
The most affected are those who rise to the top without going through the necessary mental and social preparation.
Effects of loneliness
Managers who blame themselves for loneliness are affected in the following manner:
They tend to have greater difficulties in mixing and mingling with other people. They tend to be very critical of other people, which reduces their ability to initiate social contacts.
They also tend to avoid participating at social events such as church gatherings, political and economic platforms and voluntary work. When they are approached, they are not responsive. They exhibit negative emotions, which manifest themselves in the form of depression, anger and choleric temper.
Methods of reducing loneliness
First and foremost, a progressive manager needs to realise that progress has its own side- effects. This realisation is the first step towards solving the isolation, which affects people who are progressing while their compatriots are still at the same position.
Loneliness should not always be looked at as bad all the time but one can view it as temporary and as time to do self-evaluation and establish important priorities.
One often-overlooked strategy of dealing with loneliness is to find out where people of like minds or similar interest go.
Some of the places could be clubs or business or philanthropic or religious associations for fellowshipping with people at your level.
The list of clubs could include golf clubs, gym, entrepreneurs associations, Chamber of Commerce, and Rotary International among many associations.
Most managers join the clubs because the companies they work for pay for membership fee. Managers get the membership cards but rarely commit themselves to the clubs. Managers who join these clubs must make concerted efforts to initiate discussions with the club members.
Even if they meet people who have broken from their chain of network, they must treat each meeting as a new encounter.
With the advent of cyberspace associations are also found right in your computer. Again managers join but rarely participates in the associations facilitated for him by the cyberspace.
Thanks to technology, one can now chat, talk, share ideas and interact with people all over the world using media such as Facebook, Linked-in, Skype and Twitter.
However, these like any other clubs requires concentration and drive to use them.
The writer is a managing consultant at CLC Training International. E-mail [email protected].
Recently I joined a cyberspace network of professionals. The first few weeks I focussed on aggressive drive to increase my number of connections and associations which I joined until a colleague told me that it is not the number of connections that matter but the quality of connections and interactions that transpires between the connections.
Thanks to technology, one can now chat, talk, share ideas and interact with people all over the world using mediums such as face book, linked-in, skype and twitter.
However these like any other clubs requires concentration and drive to use them.
There is a serious misconception among people who say company is just a human interface.
Taking up professional courses can reduce one’s focus from loneliness to studying.
If one is not keen on studying one should develop the quest for knowledge, which can be fulfilled by reading widely on different subjects of interest.
Care must be taken to avoid reading literature that negatively affects the spiritual side of your life.
The spirit must not be tempered with because it helps to create a balance within your system
Loneliness can be reduced if an affected manager forges closer relationships with his or her family.
In a traditional African extended family set up loneliness was unheard of. The extended family provided shock absorbers to family members.
The arrangement of extended family provided family members with several platforms to share problems and opportunities.
They were in the form of family gatherings to receive bride price and celebrate marriages through kusungira where the bride will be send back to her family in preparation for the birth of her first child.
Other ceremonies included nhimbe where collectively the family will assist each other to plant, weed, harvest, and sort out grain.
Another important place was a dare, where the male family members would sit round the fire at night to discuss matters of mutual interests.
All these and many platforms enabled troubled member of the family to access free counselling and advice from other members of the extended family.
However the rural urban migration occurring in most parts of the family has destroyed the umbilical cord that used to join family members together and left them susceptible to loneliness.
Though extended family bond has been weakened managers are advised to keep close to the remaining small family left.
There is always a danger of going out there trying to connect with any person for the sake of companionship.
The manager can end up in the company of undesirable people. This therefore implies that managers must take some calculated social risks.
In organisations with succession foresights, they identify potential leaders and they introduce them into the right professional and social circles.
They facilitate subtly memberships and recommendations into social and professional bodies.
This is meant to prepare you for future interaction with people at the same level, both culturally and socially.
The writer is a managing consultant at CLC Training International. E-mail [email protected].
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