Its normal, some marriages will fail

Nhlalwenhle Ncube

IF truth be told, some couples are meant to be together forever while for others it’s just the opposite. I know many people do not want to hear such sentiments as much as no one wants to belong to the ‘‘unmeant to be’’ group. But it’s a fact that some marriages will fail!

Unfortunately, as much as it sucks, not all relationships are meant to last. Of course some will work out while some fall out. I know with some people, they have divorced more than once and are wondering why their love stories are not working out though feeling they will be doing everything right.

Anyway, the truth is that some people just aren’t meant to be together. Breaking up is an annoying part of life but it’s just the way it goes!

There is nothing as difficult as dealing with a creature called umuntu (person). These creatures make things overly complicated as they screw up, make mistakes, lie, cheat, make and break promises. Then there are some people who overdo these things, I have just mentioned and no matter how hard you try, you get fed up and the only solution is to part ways. Taking notes from all this, one then realises its normal for some marriages to fail.

It is unfortunate that most people do not want to accept that life’s fate, worse when it’s after tying the knot. It is only that people choose to forget some things. Parting ways is not bad luck because if you look back from your youthful days, you got in relationships and they ended, even with the one which you took to another stage of marriage, it’s not different in anyway, but it was just a matter of time.

Some marriages will fail because the other party cannot stop thinking about someone else, most probably an ex-lover. The X-factor is very problematic and they have resulted to the failure of some marriages. If your partner keeps comparing you to his/her ex, one day just giving him that space to be with the person driving him crazy becomes an option. Such people do not even put an effort in the growth of the relationship making it dull and boring.

When two people start dating, they may be on the same page, but that can quickly change. Everyone has her own expectations, but if you both want different things from your relationship that you aren’t willing to budge from, that’s where problems start to pop up. Somewhere and somehow someone must compromise, there has to be a certain give and take in a relationship in order for it to last and be healthy for a long period of time. You can never have things 100 percent your way. No one will want to stick around if they never get anything they desire. If you are someone who prefers things, “my way or the highway,” then the marriage will definitely fail.

Insecurity always causes a tonne of relationship issues and I have no doubt that it’s played a part in your failed relationships. If you are insecure, guess what? You are probably jealous, too. And jealousy leads to continuous fights and that will take away your peace and happiness. A home without these two (peace and happiness) is a nightmare and someone will decide to run away, declaring it one of the failed relationships.

Any relationship will experience rocky waters if there isn’t clear communication. Many couples don’t talk about their feelings or share their thoughts, and if people just talked, most problems would be avoided. One of the biggest mistakes couples have is never talking about things or arguing. Arguing happens when people disagree, but with good communication, you can resolve them and prevent them from becoming fights. Couples who never argue aren’t necessarily happy and could be letting their feelings fester. If you fail to communicate and tell your partner when they are upsetting you and when you are happy about something, they will never know and you will be left to fester and build up resentment that will ultimately lead one to leave.

There are also people who expect too much from their partners, but the truth is no one is going to have every single quality and characteristic that you want them to. Even the best partners will have a quality or two that you don’t like. By expecting too much, you’re not only putting pressure on someone who can’t possibly live up to that, but you’re also disappointing yourself for no reason. I’m sure you’ve left a relationship that “failed” because you were just never happy. The reality? You always expected too much and were disappointed as a result. If you truly want to find love, you’ll have to lower your expectations and be happier with what someone can actually offer you.

Fairy tales and romantic comedies have ruined just about every aspect of love. We all want that fairy tale romance that we see in our favourite movies, but we never realise that type of love doesn’t actually exist. There are some women who expect a relationship to be like a movie when the reality is so different. Movies don’t show our everyday routines or how annoying someone (especially guys!) can be if you spend too much time with them. If one fails to tone down her expectations, then it will be divorce after divorce because no partner can live up to those expectations.

I deliberately chose to ignore the issue of cheating being one of the major reasons of failed marriages because I believe whether you like it or not, that is part of life. All I want is people to accept the fact that not all marriages are meant to last for life and as much as it hurts when one’s marriage fails, it does not really mean one is cursed. Accept that such is life and it’s a journey where the route you would have chosen has got to an end.

WhatsApp your comments to 0712978471.