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Lumuli Mwakasungula-Matters of Faith
Have you ever struggled to not only forgive but reconcile with someone who wounded you deeply? In a previous article,
I reflected on Philemon 1 and argued that faith and love prepare our hearts to forgive.
This article reflects on Paul’s appeal to Philemon in Philemon 8-16 and shows how the gospel restores broken relationships and calls us to reconciliation. I will end with an exhortation calling us to heed Paul’s appeal to Philemon.
Paul begins with remarkable restraint: “Though I am bold enough in Christ to command you to do what is required, yet for love’s sake I prefer to appeal to you” (Philemon 8–9). As an apostle, Paul had every right to give orders. This was expected, not just of Paul, but of the aristocrats and technocrats of his day. Yet Paul sets aside his authority and chooses a gentler path. Inviting Philemon to respond without coercion. Without fear.
Commenting on this passage, John Calvin wrote, “Paul prefers a sweet invitation to a harsh command, so that the duty may be performed more willingly.” Paul, in other words, was led by compassion, not power. Do not mistake gentleness for weakness; it is a sign one has learned Christ. Paul’s disposition exhibits a man who imitates Christ. Christ, who exercised power through meekness, grace, and love. For Paul, genuine forgiveness is — as he would have us see it — a love affair (see 1 Corinthians 13).
Paul’s Appeal as a Gospel Witness
Paul continues with tender words: “I appeal to you for my child, Onesimus, whose father I became in my imprisonment. Formerly he was useless to you, but now he is indeed useful to you and to me” (Philemon 10–11).
In Roman society, Onesimus deserved punishment, even death. Onesimus, once deemed “useless” but later “useful” — the very meaning of his name — shows that forgiveness transforms lives.
Matthew Henry notes, “God’s grace can make the unprofitable servant profitable.” Onesimus was not returning as a fugitive but as Paul’s son, made new in Christ. Paul himself had once been an enemy of Christ. By grace, he became a son of God and a servant of the gospel he once tried to destroy. This is proof that through Christ, God redeems those the world has already written off. Thus, Paul’s appeal is evidence that God transforms sinners and gives them a new place in his family.
Paul’s Appeal is not Priceless; it is Costly
Paul deepens his appeal with words of affection and sacrifice. He writes, “I am sending him back to you, sending my very heart. I would have been glad to keep him with me . . . but I preferred to do nothing without your consent in order that your goodness might not be by compulsion, but of your own accord” (Philemon 12–14).
Forgiveness is costly, but so is reconciliation. Onesimus had become dear and useful to Paul. Keeping him would have eased Paul’s burden in prison. Yet Paul let him go so he could be reconciled with his master (Philemon 15). This reconciliation is vividly captured in Philemon 16: “No longer as a bondservant but more than a bondservant, as a beloved brother.”
Paul’s comfort was traded for compassion; Philemon’s sense of justice was transformed by grace. That was the cost. What’s yours?
Struggling With Forgiveness and Reconciliation? Look to Christ’s Cross
Paul arrives at the heart of his appeal: “So if you consider me your partner, receive him as you would receive me. If he has wronged you at all, or owes you anything, charge that to my account” (Philemon 17–18). Paul appeals to Philemon to welcome Onesimus with the same love and honour he would extend to Paul himself. Even more, Paul’s appeal is a portrait of substitution. That is, Paul is willing to take the cost on Onesimus’s behalf.
These words draw our eyes to the cross, where Christ bore our guilt and gave us his righteousness in exchange. For this reason, Paul, in a way, is appealing to Philemon to mirror Christ. We cannot claim God’s mercy while refusing to extend it to others. Forgiveness is not optional for those who belong to Christ. It is the fruit of a heart transformed by the gospel.
Paul’s appeal shows that forgiving those who hurt us is possible only through the lens of the gospel. It also shows that humility and other-centredness are precursors to forgiveness. Forgiveness, as Paul presents it, is not ignoring sin or pretending no harm was done. Rather, it is releasing what is owed because Christ has paid every debt in full.
Forgiving others is trusting that God is in control and has the power to transform lives. Our task this side of eternity is to mirror Christ in bearing the cost of forgiveness and reconciliation. Paul’s letter, therefore, invites us to examine our hearts. Forgiveness and reconciliation are not merely a duty; they are evidence and a witness to others that we have grasped the gospel. Paul is saying, in other words, I imitate Christ, what stops you from imitating me? – tgcafrica.org
