Lingerie thief given two years to repent

Courtrooms are typically sombre places, where justice is served by stern faces.

However, these solemn halls of justice are sometimes turned into comedy clubs by criminals who bring the house down with tales that are as absurd as they are hilarious.

Pascal Moyo, a 27-year-old from Sibomvu village in Plumtree, Matabeleland South, recently found himself in the dock for a series of break-ins. Moyo left the court in stitches after he attempted to explain away his offence by claiming he was pushed to steal some undergarments after his wife nagged him for them.

So, this dashing “Romeo”, pleading poverty, decided to moonlight as a lingerie thief.

On July 6, Moyo broke into Simenyeni Ncube’s shop at Bhagani Business Centre, which he ransacked and made off with ladies’ panties.

He, however, was not content with getting away with just panties. He also snatched some trousers, camphor cream (for that post-heist glow, perhaps), Dettol soap (hygiene is important, even in the criminal underworld) and a handbag (because every self-respecting thief needs somewhere to stash their loot).

When questioned by the court, Moyo confessed: “Your Worship, it’s true, I stole the items, including the underwear. My wife had been asking me to buy her new ones for weeks, saying she no longer had any. So, when I saw the opportunity, I just took it.”

The courtroom erupted in laughter, and even the presiding magistrate, Joshua Nembaware, struggled to keep a straight face.

It was, however, learnt that Moyo was a prolific thief.

The court heard that on April 26, 2022, he used duplicate keys to break into his own mother’s bedroom, where he stole R2 500 from a cash box.

Not content with just one family burglary, he struck again on July 29, stealing 12,5kg of mealie meal, 1kg of soya chunks and one litre of cooking oil.

And as if stealing from his family was not enough, Moyo took his thieving talents to Siphosenkosi Moyo’s property, where he cut the fence and used a scotch cart to ferry away 2 500 farm bricks, which he then sold.

For his numerous misdeeds, Moyo faced multiple counts of unlawful entry.

During sentencing, it emerged that he was a serial burglar, having been convicted of a similar crime in September last year.

All counts were merged into one, and he received a 30-month sentence, with six months suspended for five years, while another six months were suspended on condition he restituted his victims.

However, the previously suspended five months from his last conviction were added, resulting in an effective 24 months sentence.

One can only hope that during his time in the slammer, Moyo will come up with more legal ways to procure lingerie for his beloved wife.