Online Reporter
Dorothy Nyika
FOR a long time, I lived in hiding. I would wear a mask of normalcy, pretending that everything was fine when it was not. I avoided social interactions, fearing that someone would notice my bulging eyes or ask intrusive questions.
Also, lying about why I was tired or why I needed to take breaks became the norm. The weight of secrecy was crushing me, making me feel like I was living a lie.
It felt like I was walking on eggshells, always worried about being judged or misunderstood. I wondered if anyone would see me as weak or fragile if they knew about my condition, Graves’ disease.
The fear of rejection and abandonment was overwhelming, making me feel like I was alone in my struggles.
Graves’ disease is an auto-immune disorder that leads to an overactive thyroid gland, a condition known as hyperthyroidism.
In Graves’ disease, the immune system mistakenly produces antibodies that stimulate the thyroid to produce excessive thyroid hormones, disrupting the body’s normal metabolic processes. This overproduction of hormones can cause a range of symptoms, including increased heart rate, weight loss, anxiety and in some cases, bulging eyes (Graves’ ophthalmopathy).
The weight of hiding
Hiding my condition was a heavy burden to carry. I lived a double life, the life I presented to the world and the life I lived in reality. I struggled to keep up the facade, feeling like I was constantly pretending to be someone I was not.
I would hide my protruding eyes behind sunglasses when outdoors, even in winter and attracting many comments, which further brought pain. I would wear loose clothing to conceal my ever-changing weight.
I was always conscious of how people would notice my excruciating hunger and constant need to snack. I always needed to use the toilet, trying not to draw attention to my condition.
Physical symptoms, emotional toll
The physical symptoms of Graves’ disease were embarrassing and humiliating.
I would sweat profusely, even in extreme cold. I felt like I was burning up, even when it was cold. I would need to be naked or wear light clothing, just to feel comfortable.
The heat intolerance was overwhelming, making me feel like I was trapped in a never-ending cycle of sweat and discomfort.
The emotional toll of hiding my condition was immense. I struggled with feelings of shame and guilt, wondering why I could not just be ‘normal’ like everyone else.
Finding hope in faith
As I journeyed deeper into my soul, I realised that my spirituality was not about the disease. It was about finding strength and hope in the midst of adversity. I learnt to lean on my faith, to trust in a higher power that was guiding me through the darkness.
I found comfort in scripture, in the words of Psalm 118 verse 17, which says, “I will not die but live and declare the works of the Lord”. I declared to myself, “I will not die, instead I will live to testify what the Lord has done for me.”
This verse became my mantra, my reminder that God was with me, even in the midst of suffering.
I decided to start a support group. I wanted to create a safe space where people with Graves’ disease and thyroid disease could connect with others, who understood what they were going through. We could share our stories, offer words of encouragement and support each other through tough times.
Going back to school
My journey with Graves’ disease has affected my education. I have had to miss school at times due to my condition. I even dropped out of college. However, I am grateful for life and the opportunity for a way to get back on track.
Going back to school has been a challenge, but it has also been incredibly rewarding. I have learnt to prioritise my health and to seek support when I need it.
In my next article, I discuss the challenges faced in understanding chronic illnesses, despite love and support. I will also share my experiences with going back to school and how I have learnt to navigate my education while living with Graves’ disease.
A message of hope
If you are reading this, and you are struggling with Graves’ disease or any other chronic illness, I want you to know that there is hope.
You are not alone and you are not defined by your illness. You are strong, resilient and capable of overcoming any obstacle that comes your way. Do not give up, even when it feels like the darkness is closing in. Keep pushing forward, knowing that there is light at the end of the tunnel.
For those who want to know more about my journey, I have written extensively about it in my book, When My Butterfly Wouldn’t Fly: My Journey with Graves’ Disease. It is a story of struggle, hope and resilience. I hope it will inspire and empower others to take control of their own journeys.
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