Love does not dishonour others

Nolwazi Mnikwa

Relationships

LOVE builds, it nurtures, it motivates and empowers. Love does not dishonour, where there are errors, love does not display those errors or make them news to be discussed over a cup of tea with the next person.

To dishonour is to disgrace, shame, humiliate, discredit, embarrass, lower, cheapen, drag down, smear or scandalise. In saying love does not dishonour others, it means that love does not disgrace someone, it does not embarrass someone, it does not humiliate or shame others, neither does it discredit, lower, drag down, smear, scandalise or cheapen others. Love is kind and kindness does not carry with it all the nasty attributes associated with dishonour.

As a friend, if you truly love your friends, you will not spread gossip or lies about them. You will not find their flaws or errors as juicy gossip to share with others. Your friend will most likely be in regret of their errors and he or she does not need you to make the guilt they are experiencing worse by sharing his or her mishaps with other people.

In doing so, you are disgracing your friend, you are shaming your friend, and you are bringing scandal to your friend’s name. In a nutshell, in doing so, you are dishonouring that person you claim to be a friend. Where there is love, instead of dishonouring your friend, you make the effort to help them overcome whatever error would have occurred. In essence as a friend you protect your circle. This means that even when people ask you details concerning your friends which you know are personal to them, you will not divulge that information. In doing so, you are displaying the love you have for your friends.

In marriage, when you love your spouse you do not repeat his or her errors to others. You do not humiliate the one you say you love, you do not embarrass the one you said “I do” to, you do not smear their name. There are disagreements and quarrels that take place in marriage and at times when one is fiercely angry as a result of these disagreements or quarrels, they may want to get back at their spouse by soiling their spouse’s name. This is when you hear all sorts of nasty details being spread by one spouse concerning the other spouse. This is wrong on all levels as it brings dishonour to your spouse.

The one thing some individuals tend to forget is that once you have sorted out your differences and reconciled with your spouse, the people you badmouthed your spouse to will not forget what you said. They will cease to respect your spouse, they will laugh at your spouse and they will mock your spouse, all because of what you would have said concerning your spouse, all because of the dishonour you would have brought on your spouse.

It’s normal to get angry in the middle of heated couple’s arguments, just make sure that in your anger you do not dishonour your spouse by saying bad things about him or her to whoever is willing to listen. Talking about your spouse to whoever is willing to listen is actually how some of you invite trouble into your marriages.

It is not everyone who is willing to listen who will help; instead some will actually cause a rift between you and your spouse. It is not everyone who offers a listening ear who actually cares, some are just entertained by your marital drama, and it will be as if they are listening to a narration of their favourite soapie.

Some other people have mouths where a fly could never sit (balomlomo ongahlalwa mpukane), so they are not offering a shoulder to cry on but they are just listening out for the latest scoop of gossip. If what your spouse said or did is just too much for you to deal with on your own and you need to vent, it would be ideal to approach the individual or Counsellor that both you and your spouse agreed to talk to in times of distress.

As a parent or guardian, it is your responsibility to protect your child and not bring dishonour to your child. Children are highly experimental and as they grow they make mistakes here and there. Instead of telling your friends and relatives what the child did, it is ideal for you to help the child realise the error, to help them understand why it is an error and why they must not repeat the same error or a similar error again. In doing that you are showing love, you are nurturing, moulding and building up your child.

You are not humiliating your child and bringing dishonour to your child by relating the error or mishap they would have done. As a parent or guardian, have you ever stopped to consider the effect that humiliating your child has on his or her confidence, self-esteem, intellect and even relationships. Furthermore, have you stopped to consider the effect that embarrassing or humiliating your child has on your relationship with the child.

You want a confident, intelligent, well-mannered and friendly child yet at the slightest error your child makes, you are on the phone with your friend or relative narrating what your child did. This kind of approach will highly likely not get you the results you want to see from your child because in doing so, you are dishonouring your child.

Love your child, nurture your child, groom your child, show your child the difference between right and wrong, help your child understand why things are done in a certain way and in doing so you are expressing love to your child. When your child errs, help them understand their error, the consequences of their error and also help them avoid making the same error or similar errors in the future.

As a parent or guardian, when you pick up that phone to narrate your child’s errors to someone else, what you do not realise is you are indirectly exhibiting the kind of parent or guardian you are. It is said when you point one finger towards someone, you have four fingers pointing back at you.

Therefore before being quick to narrate your child’s mishaps and errors, it would be ideal for you as a parent or guardian to reflect on your parenting style and approach to see how you can parent your children in such a way that similar errors and mishaps do not happen again.

You will not always know what a child will do, but through showing love to your child and having an open door policy of communication between you and your child, you will as a parent or guardian help reduce the errors and mishaps your child will make.

Love is kind, it adores, it nurtures, it builds, it grooms, it is respectful and it does not have any room for dishonour to others.
I would love to hear your thoughts, comments and feedback. You may send these to [email protected] or to +263775978857. Keep safe.