adminDear Coleen
I am 18 and I have just met the woman of my dreams.
I love her so much, but I’m not sure how my family will react when they find out she is divorcing her bedridden husband and has three kids all older than me, plus our own baby on the way.
I’m not sure how our families will be with us when the divorce is settled and we get married.
How do I break the news to my mum?
Coleen says
I’m not often lost for words but you’ve managed it with this letter.
You say you’ve “just” met the woman of your dreams, suggesting this relationship is fairly new. If that’s the case, how do you know she’s the woman of your dreams? You must not know her very well.
You have to be very careful that you’re not confusing lust with love and letting the excitement of a new relationship with a much older woman cloud your judgment.
She comes with a lot of baggage, too.
Are you ready for the complications that come with step-kids older than you as well as a sick ex-hubby in the background? It’s a lot to take on at 18.
If you can, take a step back and a deep breath and imagine what your life will be like in five or 10 years.
I know you have a baby on the way and should take responsibility but if there’s one bit of advice I’d urge you to take it’s this: do not rush into getting married.
See how things go once the baby arrives.
Babies, as lovely as they are, can test the strongest of relationships and they do change things. And if you decide this relationship isn’t for you, you can still be a good dad.
As for your mum, there’s no easy way to tell her.
You’re just going to have to bite the bullet (just make sure she’s sitting down).
She’ll probably be upset and angry, but don’t push her away.
You might need her support down the line.
Dear Coleen
Recently, I found an unused condom in my husband’s car along with his new swimming gear and it’s been really bothering me. When I confronted him about what I’d found, he said he was sorry for hiding the swimwear and that he’d just bought it, but didn’t want me to see it because I would complain about him wasting money.
To be honest, I don’t care if he buys things for himself — it’s up to him what he chooses to do with his money. As for the condom, first of all he told me he didn’t know how it got there and then later confessed that he’d bought a pack of condoms when we were having issues and forgot about it. He says none of the condoms have been used.
Apparently, he’d decided he wouldn’t sleep with me without a condom because he wants to avoid me getting pregnant again. The thing is, I’m already expecting baby number two and he doesn’t know yet! I’m just finding his story hard to believe and I’m convinced he must be cheating on me. He’s apologised several times and promised nothing like this will happen again. He wants us to discuss the issue and then start afresh. At first I was happy with that, but it keeps playing on my mind and I feel confused. Please help.
Coleen says
Why is there only one unused condom?
I’d say, “Take me to the shop that sells one condom and if you can’t, you’d better find the other two pretty quickly”.
Look, I don’t think you’ve got enough evidence to prove he’s cheating — if you’d found a used condom, then obviously that would be different.
He’s clearly keen to work things out with you, but he has to be totally honest — if he’s lying about the condoms, he needs to come clean.
The only way to work through this is by talking to see if you can move forward.
Of course, you need to be honest too and tell him you’re pregnant, which it doesn’t sound like he’ll be overjoyed about.
If you’d been arguing over a second baby, then there’s a chance he’s telling the truth about the condoms.
As for the swimwear, I don’t know if he’d bought it to impress someone else — or maybe he just wanted a new pair of trunks!
But if you’ve been arguing lately, maybe he just didn’t want you to think he was spending money on frivolous things.
— Online
Online Reporter