Make a Difference: Live for yourself, not everyone else

Mercedes Benz with that once-in-a-while windfall when the truth of the matter is that they cannot afford to run and service a Merc? That is when you see a Merc moving around with worn tyres and making a sound that is so alien to a luxury vehicle of that calibre. And then you wonder why they just could not buy a cheaper car whose service and maintenance they could afford.
Then there is that type that goes to all sorts of lengths to enroll a child in this top school whose fees they cannot afford just because everyone else has put their child in private school. From the very first term they will be struggling to cope and school administrators will label them reluctant payers.
All these scenarios came to my mind as I sat in one motivational session where the speaker asked the following questions:
l How many of you are living for themselves and not for someone else?
l How many are following their own dreams and not someone else’ dreams?
He drew blank looks from everyone in the room. He then decided to elaborate.
He asked how many people in the room were living in their dream home not the home most likely to earn them some looks of admiration from peers and relatives.
As he went on I began to make sense of what he was saying. He wanted to highlight the importance of us having our own dreams and goals. So, many people today are wearing clothes they deem to be most suitable.
They wear the right kind of clothes to fit in. They put their child in schools that their richer colleagues and relatives have put theirs in so that they can be viewed like they are living large. There is so much competition amongst us that at times we do not move ahead as we are constantly looking back to see where the rest of the people are so we can measure ourselves against them.
I was thinking after the session that so much of what was said in there made sense. What holds people back sometimes in life is because they do not have their own dreams but are busy following everyone else’s. If you do not have set goals about where you are going in life, surely you are going to bark up the wrong tree so many times before you find the right path.
Take the world of business for example. How many people have original business ideas? There was a time when every woman who wanted to be in business would go into the hair salon business. Because some women had done it and made it every woman thought it would work.
Of course, they quickly realised their folly. At some point it became buying and selling. Every woman would buy clothes, shoes, handbags, among other such stuff for resale. But then after a while that too became flooded. Every one of us was selling. Who was going to buy?
What point am I making? No one is very willing to think outside the box and come up with new ideas. The thought is usually if it worked for this person, then it would work for me as well. There are just too many followers around us and not enough leaders.
While there is nothing wrong with learning from others and aspiring for better things, there is everything wrong with living a life that is not yours. If one is going to wear clothes that are much more suitable for a smaller or bigger person because that is what is in fashion, they are punishing themselves.
If you are going to push yourself into buying a car that is too costly because all your friends have swanky cars you are punishing yourself. Imagine when you run out of cash and your family has got nothing to eat; will your friends come to your rescue or you will be too embarrassed and will suffer in silence. 
Or you may even do the unworthy and go and get money from a loan shark somewhere. And then get your furniture and other valuables attached. Which is worse?
I learnt from that session the importance of the “self” in everything. As an individual, one must have values, dreams, wishes and goals. After that one needs to apply themselves and to have focus. Without focus it is easy to leave it to everyone else to focus for you.
This is when you have young girls in tertiary institutions being told by peers to look for sugar daddies to provide for them so that they can be comfortable while at college. A focused student will know that the goal is to get the degree and not some fancy hairstyle.
A mother without focus may feel that she has to wear a certain type of shoe or bag which costs an arm and a leg but one with focus may know that it is better to have a savings fund for when her children are in University rather than to wear labels every time.
A father without focus may rent a house for US$1 500 a month because at his age and his position at work he should be living in the top suburbs. However, one with focus would rather rent a house for US$400-US$600 and give himself a year to save and get a stand for his family in whatever area that is at par with his budget.
In these days we are living in where the gap between the rich and the poor is widening and many people are finding it very hard to make ends meet, it can be easy to lose the plot. Looking around yourself, it may seem like everyone else is having it better than you and then you find yourself under immense pressure to act and seem as if you are also coping.
If ever one is overwhelmed by pressure the advice given is that there is need to look to “self” and focus on what self is all about. That way you live for yourself and not everyone else.
Living for everyone else brings with it immense pressure that you and I can do without.