adminIt must be pointed out on the onset that men have been instrumental in the spread of HIV and STIs. They have been at the forefront in terms of spreading these diseases because as far as men are concerned, they become very proud if they have multiple sexual partners. This is a sign of their sexual prowess and in many societies such as Ethiopia, men are known to marry as many wives as they like to such an extent that their economic wealth is measured in terms of the number of women they marry.
Helen Jackson in her book Aids Africa: Continent in Crisis, postulates that STIs (to men) may be viewed as acceptable battle scars showing that a man has succeeded in getting his way with a woman. On the contrary, for a woman sex is predominantly about pleasing a man essentially her husband or partner, and is about having children so that there is continuity in the husband’s clan. Achieving gender equity in terms of sexuality means respecting both male and female sexuality and sexual needs and rights. In order to curb the spread of HIV and Aids, there is dire need to ensure that both sexes have a fulfilling, safe and non-exploitative sexual relationship.
It is unfortunate that men usually are the determinants of circumstances around sexual relationships. Men usually insist that protection or no protection be used or not. As alluded to in the previous articles, women, due to their vulnerability and the issue of power relations, have limited powers to initiate the use of protective measures in a relationship whether married or not married. Women have less negotiation powers in terms of demanding safe sex.
According to UNAIDS 2000, in the context of gender inequality, male attitudes and behaviours are the crux of the HIV and Aids problem whether men are heterosexuals, homosexuals or drug injectors. Men usually as clients of sex workers demand skin to skin contact and the same also applies in their matrimonial homes even if they are aware of their positive status. Men therefore place personal pleasure first at the expense of their sexual partners.
Many societies have accepted and have been socialised to believe that men have an uncontrollable sex drive and that manhood includes strength, courage and dominance. In most cases, alcohol and drugs have been used by men as an excuse for indulging in sex with whores or prostitutes. There is usually no stigma or blame attached to a man who chooses to have casual sex when drunk. If the same is done by a woman, she is labelled a prostitute or having loose morals. A study conducted by the World Health Organisation in 18 countries around the world on men and women revealed that men in all acknowledged a higher number of sexual partners than women.
In Zimbabwe the catchphrase “real men” is usually used in terms of expressing sexual responsibilities but in the true sense a “real man” should be a man who cares about his wife or partner and one who avoids the spread of HIV and Aids. This must not be viewed explicitly as protection of a partner but protection of oneself too. In most cases men also forget that they are breadwinners too who must place greater emphasis on the need to keep the family HIV and Aids free.
In the book Aids Africa, there is a Malawian family planning sticker which reads: “So many men, and so few responsible fathers.” I am sure that this does not apply to Malawi only but to many nations the world over. This article must not be viewed as an insult to men but merely recognises the role that men play in the spread of HIV. This is not by any means also implying that there are absolutely no women who spread HIV. There are also some men who are role models in their homes, society and the nation at large. Also, there are women who are not role models in the family and in society. There is need therefore for shared responsibility between men and women so that there is reduced HIV infection and wider life choices, be it sexually, economically and politically.
It is stereotyping that men have tried to bottle up their worries and resort to drug abuse. Men are nurtured to believe that they should not cry or show their weakness. A good example is men who are beaten by their wives, most of them never report to the police as it is embarrassing and not “man enough”.
In the book Aids Africa; Continent in Crisis, it is argued that men are conditioned to taking risks not responsibilities.
Having realised that fewer men take responsibility even in the spread of HIV, UNAIDS World Aids Campaign theme for 2000 and 2001 was “Male Involvement.” The main reasons cited were that men’s health receives too little attention, a good example is the prostate cancer and male infertility, men are slow to seek health and advice and do not cope as well as women with illness. Men also take greater risk regarding unprotected and casual sex, drug injecting and alcohol abuse. It was also observed that men with HIV are likely to infect more women over their lifetime than HIV positive women infect men. The main reason also being that HIV is transmitted more easily from men to women than vice versa.
Apart from that, most men who indulge in unprotected sex elsewhere, also have unprotected sex with casual partners, girlfriends or their own wives. Men should take the lead in protecting their partners and future children from HIV. When the same family members get sick, very few men or fathers really take care for the sick yet they are the main casual agents of the same sickness.
In Zimbabwe men’s action groups such as Padare are doing quite well in terms of challenging existing stereotypes that enhance male dominance and masculinity. Padare also focuses on domestic violence and gender-based violence as well as on a limited basis sexual and reproductive health. Similar action groups are Men for Change in South Africa, Men’s Action in
Swaziland and a men’s project within the National Aids Control Programme in Botswana. Their efforts cannot materialise without other men rallying behind their cause after all “Real Men Are Not Afraid of Equality”.
It is unfortunate that men uphold the wrong notion that once they cease to be domineering then their self-esteem is
compromised so is their respect from their colleagues and family members.
Our young boys and girls also need role models of responsible sexual behaviour from their fathers, teachers, and relatives so that they can also copy positive sexual behaviour as future adults. It is high time young people engage with adults in open discussions about sex and sex education. At times it is ignorance of issues around sexuality that young boys and girls indulge in early sexual relationships instead of shaping their future through education.
- The writer is the provincial development officer for Bulawayo in the Ministry Of Women Affairs, Gender and Community Development. She can be contacted on 0772111592 / 09- 889224 or email [email protected]
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