adminFredrick Qaphelani Mabikwa Successful Solutions
In my previous article I shared on the things a woman should consider in a prospective husband. I was immediately confronted by a few young men who are searching and were asking what is it that they must consider in a woman for a prospective wife. My answer was that the same things I indicated the woman should look for in a man are the same things the man should look for in a woman.
First you need a young woman who fears God. As I indicated in my last article, you don’t need a girl who goes to church to make noise, jump around confusing boys and being a nuisance. You need a girl who fears God and respects other people for we are made in God’s image. You can tell if a young woman fears God from her language and how she treats other people. A good lady, wife material, guards against her tongue.
Her speech is wise and kind. She is very careful and discrete about what she says to you and other people. When you err she is not loud when she corrects you. She doesn’t mind being silent when it matters. She will normally give her opinion last and will not demand that her word be taken against yours. You want a woman who will admit her mistakes and apologise and make amends for hurtful actions.
You don’t want a stubborn, head strong woman who is fond of shouting, even when it is not necessary and will talk while you are talking.
You don’t need a woman who will talk non stop during an argument and is fond of pointing fingers at you.
You need a lady who is not rude and will not call you names no matter what you have done. Now when a girl is already calling you names now, she will call you bigger names when you are married. When she is already calling you names, she doesn’t respect you and you don’t want to marry a woman who doesn’t respect you. A lady worth marrying is not pushy and bossy. She is humble.
A lady who is wife material will not complain foolishly, she is realistic. She is very much aware that she will be part of the whole process of assisting the husband to run the family with or without employment. You need a woman who shows business initiatives. She should be financially creative to support you so that in marriage she will supplement family income. A lady worth marrying will not spend all her money on make-up and junk food and indulging in foolish shopping. A lady worth marrying should be assisting you in the direction of the marriage. I have seen ladies who get married having already acquired basic household property, which most of my fellow men don’t have at marriage.
You cannot in this day and age marry a woman who is not educated. It was okay during the time of our mothers, 60s, and 70s and maybe 80s. Now marrying an illiterate woman is suicide. There are some women who have not gone to school because of factors beyond their control and they are prepared for adult education. Yes you can marry them and assist them to get an education.
Things have changed, we are now in the era where both husband and wife leave for work in the morning and meet at the end of the day just to fend for the family. If she remains home she should be involved in a project or two and not just be idle. Some of these women who remain at home just spend the day drinking tea in very big metal cups – these cups were called “Jomupi” in our days. They will spend the day gossiping and visiting inyanga to get love potions to feed the husband. Marry a girl who talks of an ambitious learning future.
You need a clean girl who is hard working. You cannot afford to marry a dirty woman. Cleanliness is next to Godliness. Cleanliness is not the make-up, tight jeans, borrowed clothes and hanging hips and buttocks. Cleanliness is mostly seen in the environment the woman dwells. If you can get to where she stays and see things for yourself please do. You don’t need a lazy woman who cannot even fix her own house. When she visits you just watch, how she manages the place. If she hates cooking and prefers takeaways, this is not a good sign. At this stage she needs to be creative with her meals.
She will use the meals to please you and lift up your spirits. It is the lazy wife who will in the future surrender their house to the maid and call for “sisis” assistance from every corner of the house, even from the bathroom. When they surrender their house to the maid and the man gets involved with the maid they say “Ah-men are dogs they are born of the same mother.” Our biological make up calls for more cleanliness from the woman. The woman is biologically more complex than a man.
Recently a young man came to me “crying”, telling me that his wife, who is fairly big doesn’t bath regularly and that was affecting his sex drive in the marriage. You see this is a disaster for the young marriage. You want a woman who knows she has to look attractive to you, try hard to maintain those looks by watching her waist line and trying to avoid falling into things like obesity which can easily put off an impatient man.
A lady who is wife material is a communicator. Avoid a girl who uses silence as it were to punish you when there are issues to be talked about. You don’t need a cry baby who uses her tears to force you into giving in to issues and decisions that you might not be in agreement with.
You need a mature woman, a woman who likes your family, at least at this stage. A woman who if you are fighting with your siblings will push to have the disputes resolved so that the family lives in peace. You don’t want a woman who wants to separate you from your family before you even marry her and urges you to beat up your siblings who are “interfering” with your relationship. You also don’t need a woman who talks very ill of her own family – this is lack of maturity and a bad sign.
You need a realistic woman, a woman who lives within her means. Some men have been in trouble because the woman has love for high life and sweet things and has forced them to live beyond their means. The man has a beer budget but the woman wants champagne.
Some men are in heavy debt today and the same woman is telling the man that he is not man enough. Does your girlfriend talk about real life issues? Does she talk about owning a house or buying a stand and building? If she just talks more of having fun, make-up, eating well and going on holiday that is a bad sign.
You need a woman with strong moral code and is honest. No man wants to be married to a dishonest woman and a liar. A woman who lies cannot be trusted. Some women will lie with a straight face and with confidence and when cornered cover up with tears. Don’t be moved by tears too soon. Tears are used for various reasons.
You need a good listener. Most problems in relationships emerge from poor listening skills. Remember the saying: “Seek first to understand before trying to be understood”. Some of our ladies have tendencies in conversations to be thinking about what to say next rather than attentively hearing what is being said by the man. This is why they have a quick answer to whatever the man says.
When you think you have found a woman to marry and you want satisfaction that she is wife material just go and see the mother. My lay research has shown me that about 70 percent of our young ladies are just what their mothers are. If you find the mother is “bad news”, then you are marrying the girl at your own risk.
Online Reporter