adminDear Coleen
I’ve been with my partner for five months now and everything is going really well.
I am very happy.
She has a four-year-old daughter and I get on great with her too. The only problem is her ex, who is also her daughter’s father.
He is still madly in love with my girlfriend and is sending her dirty texts to try and win her back, even though she’s told him multiple times that she’s moved on. I feel helpless.
Coleen says
I think your girlfriend has to draw up some guidelines when it comes to contact with her ex.
He needs to know where the line is.
She shouldn’t be engaging with him or responding to any text messages that aren’t strictly to do with the arrangements they have for their daughter.
It’s annoying and frustrating for you but I’d resist the urge to wade in and tell him where to go.
However, your girlfriend should know that it’s not something you’re prepared to put up with.
You haven’t been dating long, so I imagine the more she continues to ignore any inappropriate texts, he’ll get the message and start to move on himself.
If she replies with angry texts, he’ll love the fact he’s winding you both up because his aim will be to drive a wedge between you.
Stay united and don’t rise to the bait.
Dear Coleen
My dad has his own business and works a lot.
He got divorced from my mum five years ago after having a midlife crisis and a disastrous affair with a female colleague. But he’s learnt nothing from it.
Now, aged 64, he’s hooked up with a girl who, at 25, is five years younger than me.
They’ve been dating for about six months, which in itself sounds ridiculous.
I suppose none of us in the family thought it was serious and hoped it would fizzle out, but last week he told my brother and I that he’d proposed to her and she’d said yes.
He popped open a bottle of champagne and expected us to toast his forthcoming nuptials, but we were both totally dumbfounded. It must have been obvious from our faces that we weren’t happy about it but neither me or my brother had the heart to say anything at the time — plus I think we were both too shocked!
Since then we’ve been stewing on it and getting more and more stressed and angry about it.
I’m sure my dad is just a meal ticket for this girl — there are nearly 40 years between them! But he just seems blind to it. We’ve met his fiancee a couple of times, but she never says very much and just sticks close to my dad.
She’s very pretty, but I can’t understand why my dad thinks they have a serious future together.
My mum thinks it’s hilarious and that he’s an old fool.
She has nothing to do with him so she says, but as his daughter, I feel I need to tell him how I feel and warn him about what he might be getting himself into.
Coleen says
Well they say love is blind, so maybe lust is blind too! Actually, I’m sure your dad — a savvy businessman — knows exactly what he’s getting into.
The age gap is more like a chasm, which even he can’t ignore, and I’m sure he also knows what other people are thinking.
First of all, if it’s his money you’re worried about, you don’t know what kind of financial arrangement he’ll put in place, he might get a pre-nup drawn up.
The bottom line is, it’s his money.
And secondly, if what you’re worried about most is your dad’s happiness, then there’s every chance that this girl will make him very happy and they’ll have a nice life together.
I think it’s fine to voice your concerns, but make sure you do it in the right way.
Don’t go in all guns blazing telling him he’s being an idiot.
Go out for lunch or coffee to talk about general stuff as well as his upcoming wedding and ask him what he thinks about the age gap.
Is he worried about it all?
Open up the conversation and see what he says, then you can get across your worries.
But don’t fall out with your dad over it. If he seems obviously and genuinely happy, try your best to be happy for him.
You never know, you might even get to like his fiancee! — Online
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