adminI RECEIVED the following letter from a woman who has been married for two years . . . Dear Dr . . . How do I get my man to do what I want? I now do things on my own because when I ask him for things he does not do it. I am not happy with the amount of money he is giving me. I do not work, I stay at home. I think he is having an affair or more. I cannot leave, but I am unhappy. How can I do right things? I have dreamed of a life as a princess, and now I feel like his slave…is the problem me?
Dear Reader
My first words are…if you have a castle and you are the queen, then you need your man to be the king. You are the one in charge of that castle, so you need to learn to make him your king. Learn to serve him, learn to please him, whether he acts like a king or not. Stop being a gold digger. Marriage is not just about money and material thing. Marriage is about two people coming together to make a balanced and prosperous life together.
Two people coming together to support and love each other, to form a family and legacy of their own with or without the riches so many women look for. Do you know you can still have a very happy marriage even if you do not have a lot of money?
The greatest gift a woman can give a man is support and the truth. We do not always agree with what our men do, but it is not right to correct him in public. Hold your mouth, support him in public, then tell him the truth in private, behind closed doors. Speak in truth to your man, in love and respect but the truth. You will save him from his foolish self.
Do not focus on material things in your marriage. I know many women these days are after security and money etc. But once you are married, you become your man’s partner, which means you are both responsible for building the marriage which includes the material things. It is not good when a man gives his wife money for the house, but she spends it on clothes and her own things, that is very wrong. As a wife you must be wise with how you use your home money. Of course you must look good for your man, but do not do it at the expense of the home and the family.
Times are hard nowadays even for wealthy men. So you need to stop demanding too much from your man. Marriage is not only about the woman/wife or kids, even the man has feelings, even the man has pressure, even the man gets tired and depressed. You are lucky you can stay at home because many women nowadays have to go to work to help financially, then still come home and have to look after the home and kids.
As a stay at home wife, your job is to make sure when he comes home he feels happy, you make him relaxed, you listen to him, you make sure his clothes are clean and ironed, the house is clean. Make sure he has tasty, healthy food waiting for him. Give him time when he comes home to breath, read a paper, watch a little TV etc before you start complaining about what he is not doing.
Try not to keep complaining each time you see him. Find another way to tell him the problem. Try and find other ways to fix your problems at home rather than always asking him to do the fixing. The last thing on a man’s mind when he comes home is to have to do more work. Remember he was at work the whole day, now he comes home to his castle and the wife wants him to work again…where will he rest then? Do not force him to go to another woman’s house to rest.
Do not get me wrong, I am not saying you cannot ask him to help out at home, but be wise with your words, choose the right time to ask him, balance your requests with compliments and support. I promise you even a cold hearted man can become soft if the wife learns how to treat him.
Now you say you are suspecting he is having an affair, and you have started accusing him of that. My dear let me tell you something . . . If you call him a dog; baby that is what you are going to get. And along with your dog is coming a whole of ticks, flies and fleas in the form of immoral women. Learn to act like his mistresses do…these women simply give the men what they are not getting at homes, trust me, which is everything I told you to do above and more. It is more than just sex.
Men are the heads of the households, women are the neck, so girl as the neck you better learn how to turn you man the way you want him to. If you do not, some other woman will. Or his friends will do it and it will not work well for you.
Stop with the feminist movement. Yes, men and women claim they are the same, but let us be real, there are just some things that men do better than women, and some things that women do better than men. I wish we would all just except it and do what we have to do. There is no reason for some of the arguments we have in our homes.Lastly dear, you have hips, lips and finger tips . . . use them. Hips to satisfy his needs and get his attention; Lips to speak life to him and not death; to encourage and up lift him. Finger tips to stroke his ego, relax him, cook for him and to do all those things our hands find to do in our marriages.
Marriage is a partnership, both partners need to play their part. As the woman you cannot always expect your man to do everything. What then are you doing? You want him to give you money, you want him to pay for all your beauty needs, you want him to pay the bills, you want him to pay for the help at home, you want him to feed the family, you want him to look after you friends and relatives…in the end what are you doing, what are you giving?
Take a step back my dear and try and see if maybe your husband might be doing good, but you might be the one who needs to adjust your thinking a bit. If you were single, I would have given you different advice, such as the one I gave last week. But since you are married, you are in a partnership and you cannot look at things selfishly as a single person. Your man paid a huge price to be with you, at least appreciate it, but making his life at home a pleasure.
Wedding Doctor can be messaged/whatsapped on 0772 933 845 or email: [email protected].
Special Note
Please readers note that the advice given in this column is based on individual questions, based on individual situations. It is by no means Law. Advice given is simply just that… ADVICE! It is up to each individual that is in a similar situation, to weigh the options and apply only that which sits well with them. Remember each situation is different, because the people in the situation are different, and without actually physically meeting and chatting to a person, it is unrealistic for Marriage Dr to be able to give advice that is 100 percent the solution for everyone.
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