My husband keeps lying to me . . .

Dear Coleen
I am so confused because my husband keeps lying to me, even about silly things like being given a day off work. He has also lied to me about having another phone. I feel I can no longer believe a word he says. It’s making me feel so down but when I try to talk to him about it he just snaps: “I’m not having an argument”, and then we don’t talk for weeks.

Is he cheating? What should I do?

Coleen says
Well, you have no actual evidence that he’s cheating but he’s making you feel like he is, so that’s what you have to discuss with him. When you’ve known someone a long time and all of a sudden things change, warning bells start ringing – it happened to me in my first marriage. Lots of little half-truths and incidents added up and made me feel suspicious and insecure.

Why does your husband need another phone and why is he lying about it? If he has a work phone, why didn’t he tell you he had it from the start? You need these questions answered. But you don’t need to have an argument.

The next time he’s sitting watching telly, say, “Look, I’m not going to argue about this, I’m just going to tell you how I feel. Your behaviour is making me think something is going on so I’ve gone from feeling secure in this marriage to insecure.

“If you’re not hiding anything, I need reassurance and not to be brushed off like I’m unimportant or our marriage will fall apart. And if something is going on, I need to know now, so we can discuss where we go from here.” Once you’ve said your bit, leave it and let him think about it. But make sure he knows you’re serious and you want answers.

Dear Coleen
I have been married to my husband for a year and a half. He is a kind but simple man and life is very average and ordinary. We have no kids and do not own anything together.

We recently went abroad on holiday where I met a man that I was instantly attracted to. We spent two weeks in his company and the electricity between us was palpable. Of course I didn’t act on those feelings as my husband was with me the entire time.

We have since returned home and gone back to everyday life and I find myself thinking about this man constantly. I have never felt so strongly about someone before and it’s causing me sleepless nights and eating me up inside. I want to contact this man from the holiday and see if he feels the same way. But what do I do if he does?

Do I just leave my husband and the life I know behind? I’m not usually that sort of person, but the appeal of this new life with my dream man is just too strong for me to ignore!

Please help!

Coleen says
I don’t think how you’re feeling is simply about this man you met on holiday. It’s more about what he represents: excitement. Which is something you admit you’re lacking. He’s given you a glimpse of the possibility of something different from your humdrum life.

So be very careful before jumping into this man’s arms. You’ve only been married for 18 months, so you need to think about why you’re already feeling discontent. Is it all down to him? Have you got stuck in a rut sexually? Is marriage not what you expected?

You loved and respected him enough to walk down the aisle and marry him. My advice would be to make the effort to work on your marriage first to see if you can put that spark back.

And be honest with him – you don’t have to say you fancy someone else, but admit that you’re bored and feel like the marriage is just ambling along and you’re craving more excitement. You might find out that he’s feeling the same. — Mirror