My son is a problem

Mudzimba

Dr Chisamba

HELLO Amai, I hope you are well. I have written to you because my son, who is 21, is giving me headaches. I am 52 years old, employed but close to retirement. I also have some businesses of my own.

I own haulage trucks and commuter omnibuses, and I am also into farming. I had registered three trucks in my son’s name, only to find out he sold them. The vehicles were for the business. He also conspired with one of my farm workers to sell some of my cattle. I still do not have an idea on how he got the documents for the livestock.

I confronted him about it and he said he was doing it to raise lobola as he had impregnated his girlfriend. I later discovered this was a lie. We had an altercation and he beat me up.

I had to rope in my brother to talk to him. I have since disowned him. I do not want anything to do with him. The big issue now is: How can I regain my possessions?

Response

I am well and thanks for asking. Your son is quite a handful and it is sad to see him squandering assets that are not his, to begin with. Dialogue is important. You need to go for counselling.

Your son is a liar and he is displaying bad character traits, especially by beating up his own father. If you fail to save him now, he may do something worse to someone who is not related to him and end up in prison.

Lying about impregnating someone just to justify selling the trucks and cattle is alarming. What is even more worrying is you have no idea what he does with the money amassed from the sale of these assets.

There are a lot of missing pieces to the puzzle. If he had the right documentation and was paid his asking price, I am afraid, there is no way of reclaiming these assets. As for the livestock, it may already have been slaughtered.

You can give him an ultimatum that if he does not reveal the whereabouts of these things and how much he sold them for, you will have him arrested.

He is not beyond hope, but he needs to show commitment to wanting to change. Try and keep your distance, but do not disown him entirely.

A troubled person such as your son may resort to doing more illegal activities to support himself. You need to keep him on a very tight leash.

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Father of my partner’s baby is in the way

I am a young man having relationship troubles. My partner and I have been in an on-and-off relationship since 2017. We rekindled the romance in 2019 and she told me she was pregnant. I stepped up to look after this child, as I believed it was my own. We had stayed together at one point.

I went through her phone and found out the child was not mine. At this point, the child had been born and she claimed it was her ex-lover’s.

She believed the pregnancy must have occurred before I got back into the picture. I accepted this, only to find out another painful truth — she is HIV positive and she did not inform me beforehand.

Thankfully, I am negative and we are still together. However, her child’s biological father stays in touch with her. They frequently meet to discuss issues affecting the child. Is this normal? Must I continue in such a complicated relationship?

Response

Let me begin to address your concerns. The relationship you are in is unstable. The fact that you went through her phone was wrong. It also shows lack of trust.

This woman has lied to you on several occasions.

If the DNA scare was not enough, then the withholding of her HIV status should have been the red flag you were looking for.

This woman does not care about you as she has displayed in her actions. The idea of meeting her ex to discuss the welfare of the child sounds old-fashioned and unnecessary.

There are phones for that. She could even use her relatives such as tete for that. Where there is smoke, there is fire. These two may actually still be romantically involved. Save your time and spare your heart. I usually do not advise separation but in this instance, I am left with no choice. This relationship is detrimental to you.

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