Online Reporter
Model and former girlfriend of the late rapper Kiernan AKA Forbes, Nicole Nyaba, has opened up about a deeply personal and painful journey marked by identity struggles, unresolved family trauma and ongoing mental health challenges.
Born in Durban, Nyaba says her life began under difficult circumstances that shaped her sense of belonging from an early age.
“My biological mother didn’t have an ID at the time, and my father was living in another township. I was born in town by luck,” she says.
Had no sense of belonging
Nyaba, a South African citizen, grew up navigating life between two families, the Ndlovu and Nyaba households. This as her parents never married. Although she took her father’s surname, she says belonging to two families never translated into feeling protected or grounded.
“I’m a member of both families, but I never felt like I truly belonged anywhere. I took my father’s surname because he did have a hand in my upbringing. But that didn’t mean life was stable.”
Raised mainly between Clermont and Umlazi, Nyaba describes a childhood dominated by fear and silence.
“I grew up curious but very afraid. I was always scared of getting myself into trouble, even as a child at home,” she recalls.
Living with childhood trauma
“There are things that happened to me that I’m only now realising were not okay or normal.”
She says her struggles followed her into her education and adulthood.
“Learning was always a challenge for me. Not because I wasn’t capable, but because I lacked something fundamental, that sense of safety and grounding. I felt like I was missing what connects you to life and to other people.”
Within her extended family structures, Nyaba says her pain was often minimised.
“In the Ndlovu family, it was just me and my mother. In the Nyaba family, people went on with life as long as what happened to me didn’t affect them,” she says. “I was made to feel like being left behind was normal.”
A particularly painful chapter in her life remains the death of her uncle, Nkosinathi Emmanuel Ndlovu. He was born in 1977, and his death was reported as a suicide.
Mental health issues deteriorating
Since late 2024, Nyaba says her mental and emotional health has deteriorated sharply.
“I’ve been trying to hold myself together since November 2024, because that’s when everything got worse,” she says.
“I feel weak at times. I live in fear, fear of my death, fear of what comes after, and fear of being attacked emotionally and mentally.”
Nyaba believes years of emotional neglect and lack of protection left her vulnerable.
“My mistakes were used against me. Even though I didn’t fully understand what was happening to me at the time,” she says − Sunday World.
