adminDr Mazvita Machinga Mental health
MARITAL conflicts have harmful effects on mental, physical, and family health. Hundreds of research studies document a strong relationship between marital problems and mental health challenges such as depression, anxiety and chronic stress. Recently, I have been listening to the radio and hear of the increase of marital problems in our communities.
This may also mean an increase in mental health problems. If you are like me, you expect to have a fulfilling marriage and you don’t want your marriage to fail, do you? You want it to last for life.
Marriage is a gift from God and should be honorable and delightful. Unfortunately, for too many people marriage has been an experience of mostly pain and anger rather than of joy and peace. This is not how it was intended or how it should be. In this article, I share my observation on some things you can do to have a successful marriage.
As a Marriage Officer and a Marriage Counselor, it is painful to watch families disintegrating, marriages breaking down, children suffering each and every day. Let me remind you Maggie Reyes, a life coach and author’s words, “Marriages are like fingerprints; each one is different and each one is beautiful.” This is the beauty of marriage, when two people from different family backgrounds and upbringing come together and be one.
This means that as the two of you share marital life, you need to bring to light your individual strengths and also areas that need improvement. You can do this on your own, or you can engage a trained marriage counselor who will explore these with you. The marital therapists will give you the tools to improve your communication skills and how to build stable and satisfying relationships.
Remember to keep the fire lit in your marriage and your life will be filled with warmth and joy. As you get help , know that , “ Marriage doesn’t make you happy–you make your marriage happy.”( Les & Leslie Parrott)Dave Meurer, an award-winning author on marriage and family says that, “A great marriage is not when the ‘perfect couple’ comes together. It is when an imperfect couple learns to enjoy their differences and have learned the value of forgiveness and grace.
What am I saying is that there’s no reason why you can’t make your marriage a success. The secret is to be truthful when you sense that things are not okay and act immediately. Do not wait until there is great damage to your relationship and there is a huge amount of resentment and anger. As soon as possible, identify what is dysfunctional when a marriage is not going on well. It is important that the couple opens up and talks about what is broken and what needs attention.
If you have a leaky roof you get it fixed straight away, so do the same with your marriage. For repair work to be successful, the following are important factors;
1.Talk about and settle misunderstandings at once- Getting to manage your differences is what makes your marriage a successful one. It is important that as loving people, you need to reconcile after every disagreement or conflict. In a healthy relationship, conflict is meant to strengthen and not otherwise. Spend time together, carry each other’s burden.
2.Preserve Unity at All Cost- Remember when you are married, you are friends and not enemies, thus, stick together united as a couple. In the case of arguments do not get personal, instead, attack the issue at hand and remain one in purpose. Share the same marital vision and do things together. For instance, plan together, eat together, laugh together, shop together, pray together, read the scripture together, go to church together, play together, celebrate your blessings together and many others.
3.For your marriage relationship to succeed teamwork is required and each one of you needs to deny many of their personal wishes. Self-sacrifice must replace selfishness. As stated by a colleague of mine, Barbara Cage, “Love is a partnership of two unique people who bring out the very best in each other, and who know that even though they are wonderful as individuals, they are even better together.” So enjoy the company of your loved one. Show compliments.
Dr. Mazvita Machinga Ph.D. A trained and qualified Psychotherapist, Marriage Counselor and Marriage Officer for help. Email questions on marriage to [email protected], call/ sms 0771 754 519.
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