Langa Mabena
THEY always want things to be done in their own free time, are manipulative and have inconsistent behaviour just enough to keep the other person attracted. Yes, these are people with a relationship “ownership” attitude. They often keep you confused because they blow hot and cold.
You find yourself just having to go with the flow because the other party fully owns the relationship. This kind of behaviour is destructive and emotionally abusive.
These types of people are erratic and unpredictable and will give you “just enough energy” to keep you feeling intrigued.
The person will lead you on though leaving you in the middle of the ocean not sure if it’s healthy to continue under such circumstances or not.
Even if you try to move on, you will fail because they will act up and make you believe there might be greener pastures ahead, but they necessarily do not know how to do the work required to maintain a healthy relationship.
Relationship owners also have a habit of poor communication. This is indicative of emotional instability, and poor attachment to others and it is used to manipulate others. Someone who uses other forms of poor communication may not be able to articulate their needs well and may rely on deceit or exaggeration to get close to others.
The relationship owners also enjoy flirting with romantic interests, but this never goes any further than back-and-forth dialogue. Even if you are waiting for them to fulfil their promises and plans, it takes time or doesn’t happen.
One day you wake up sure that all they seem more interested in is getting into your pants, but continue. You will know that when they spend time with you, the time is only to satisfy their needs and that’s most evident when they are chasing physical intimacy. You may feel like they only value you for sex and that feeling may unfortunately be true.
You also notice that they are consistently and mysteriously busy. They always have plans or there is always some kind of strange emergency they have to fix.
Their packed schedule seemingly makes it impossible to spend time together. And while they apologise for their behaviour, there isn’t a commitment to changing the situation.
If you are dealing with relationship owners, you may spend a lot of time trying to figure out their intentions. At times, you may feel like you have to play detective when reading their texts. Or you may seek reassurance from others as they are always vague.
They send mixed messages and they sometimes do present as extremely interested and they may be seemingly upfront about their feelings from time to time.
This can sound like, “I am really into you and want to have a relationship with you,” but their actions are different from their words. And, as you get closer, they tend to pull back or act as if what they said isn’t the truth.
When you try to withdraw, they become more interested. The minute you accept reality, they then show you the most attention as soon as you lose interest. That’s because they now have to work to get your attention and it becomes a challenge once again. You may find yourself in a constant dance of pursuing and rejecting one another.
Relationship owners are selfish and being in a relationship with such a person hurts. It’s normal to feel annoyed by your situation or worried that things won’t improve in the future. You may not be able to entirely correct things but take some action. If you think or have realised that your partner got such an attitude, label the behaviour and let them know how it affects you. Consider saying, “I feel hurt when you stop talking to me all of a sudden without warning. I know you are busy, but I don’t want to get involved with someone who’s flaky with their communication.”
Determine if you are on the same page. Be honest about whether or not you want to be in a relationship.
Discuss your values with the other person to see if they share similar beliefs.
Decide what’s non-negotiable for you and set boundaries in your relationship. Consider what behaviour you don’t want to support and make a genuine effort to stop enabling it. A relationship must be controlled by two people, not one.
Someone else’s behaviour must not dictate your worth. Remember that you didn’t cause someone to hurt you and you are still worthy of love and goodness. If you have high self-esteem, you may be less likely to tolerate a relationship owner in your life. Keep practising emotional self-care as it is important.
It becomes even more important when you feel hurt or vulnerable. You can practice self-care by prioritising rest, meaningful relationships and activities that feel good to you.
In every relationship, communication must flow. Never allow one person to be in charge of the relationship because you will always be in a dilemma and it will probably not end well! Let’s keep chatting on 0782309695
Online Reporter