adminAnn Ruthenburg : Wedding Doctor
THE month of May really saddened me readers especially the couples. The types of stuff you said about your partners, the kinds of things you said you would do if they didn’t do things you wanted is all crazy. At one stage I just thought does real marriage exist?But then I went to where I always go to when things get stretched out of proportion in my world…I go to the old people. I mean old people as in 70 years and older. People with wisdom, with life lessons learnt, with nothing to lose. People who give free information and expect nothing from the younger generation, but the best. Yes, that is where I go and I come back wiser and informed than any book or session can make me.
Yes, things have changed and the world has progressed, but there are principles of marriage that will never change, they travel throughout time, but having the same result throughout generations. This month I am going to work on some of these important principles and I pray that everyone married and unmarried will buy the newspaper and another one for your friend and relative and cut these out and keep them somewhere where you can refer back when you feel like the pressure of marriage or relationship is too much.
But if one partner refuses to change….well then your marriage is not a marriage. I guess you have a union of two single people living the benefits of a marriage and therefore everything I say here won’t work for you.
So now fully refreshed with renewed hope for you all, I will give you a heart to heart these next few weeks. And instead of interrupting me with your complaints and marital issues, be quiet read and meditate on what I say this month, apply it to your marriage, then in June talk to me about your issues. I promise you that if both partners follow these, your marriage will change for the better.
So for those who want to make it right or for those who just need a reminder, here we go….. “And the two became one” Marriage is like buying land and then building a house. The wedding ceremony is the easy part. That is when you buy the land and receive the title deeds. That land is yours for life, and really should be passed down from generation to generation. The house takes time to build, lots of time. And over the years you add more and more changes or reduce portions and so forth as the family grows.
So it takes a life time of a couple living together to become one. Is it possible to become one? Yes, absolutely! But it takes time and dedication. It is so easy to see a couple that has become one because they start to look like each other. Then at the end of their time, when one passes on, usually the other partner does not last too much longer before they too pass on into the after life……that is two became one! So there are principles in marriage, pillars in marriage and foundation and roof of a marriage. The walls are built by what you allow into your marriage. The land and title deeds are the covenant you enter into on your wedding day. Now the foundation is love (stable floor), the roof is trust (Covering). The pillars are the principles that guide you through the marriage holding up or down the various portions of the actual building.
So this week we start by explaining about the actual wedding ceremony where you both purchase each other as land (I guess). This day seals your spiritual connection (covenant) with each other and your lawful connection (contract). You both walk away on that day with deeds to one piece of land that you both own, and you both have to put work into. There is no land that will produce what is not put into it except weeds and thorns. And there is no land that can survive with only one person putting into it. You both own it, and you have to put 100 percent into it 90 percent of the time. It needs to be broken down, de-weeded, compost and fertilizer put in, seeds planted and watered, and then the whole process starts again. And the more work you put into it, the better the crop, it’s common sense.
This applies to every marriage, no exceptions.
So let me remind you of the things you agreed to do when you bought the land of marriage, they are seven of them (Otherwise known as the vows)….The parties (two of you only own it); The promises (the I DOs); The condition (through rich & poor etc); the duration (forever…through death do us part),the sign (the ring); the seal or dedication (shedding of blood /sexual intercourse night of the wedding)
So the first one is the parties! Two of you agreed to come together and purchase the land called marriage. I am not talking about moving on to someone else’s marriage (Land invasion). I am not talking about settling with someone you are not prepared to commit too (illegal settler); I am not talking about being a land dealer (enjoying the benefits but not being present). I am talking about two people genuinely and seriously wanting to do this together forever.
Key words here are “two of you”…and a man will leave his mother and father and become one with his wife. Seriously how much more clearer is this people. Men your mother has no right to make decisions for you and your wife. She has her own house to run. Your wife has to learn and experience with you how to run your house and grow up your kids. Nothing wrong with mother or mother in law giving advice when needed, but interference is a no no. Women this means spending more time at moms house than your own is out. You have your own house to oversee and get right. Your mother is still working out her house after years of having you all…you have not even started with your house and already the maid is running it and washing his underwear, and your neighbour is moving in by baking him carrot cake, whilst you are having tea with mom.
If you both do not settle this from day one, your marriage will be doomed with affairs, arguments, bad mouthing, interferences and pain. This right here is a major part of marital problems….. In-laws and extended family need to know their place…I’m sorry but you exchanged your daughter for money (lobola) remember? She ain’t yours anymore. And mom you can no longer breastfeed a 20 or 30 something year-old man. He is not your baby boy anymore, he is someone’s husband and someone’s future father now, and he has a lot to learn and prove on his own. As for the sisters out there, your brother is not your man, he is now another woman’s man whether you like her or not, he chose her, himself. You have your own man to concentrate on. There is a huge difference between caring and wise in laws, to interfering and possessive in laws, let us get it right people.
Remember Marriage is not a contract…marriage is a covenant.
Wedding Doctor can be messaged/whatsapped on 0772 933 845 or email: [email protected].
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