Online Reporter
Laina Makuzha
LOVE by DESIGN
As I sit down to write this article, my heart is heavy with concern. I have been reflecting on the state of marriages and relationships in our society, and I am compelled to sound the alarm. We are witnessing an alarming trend of U-turns in marriage, with many individuals abandoning their roles and responsibilities within it. This trend is not only devastating marriages but also eroding the very fabric of societies.
From commitment to convenience
I’m not sure about you, but I seem to notice a disturbing shift and a carefree attitude towards what should be a respected union. Marriage, as instituted by God, is a sacred union between a man and a woman. It is a commitment to love, cherish, and support one another through thick and thin.
However, it appears more and more, that some people today view marriage as a convenience, a means to an end, rather than a lifelong commitment. What has happened to love, to honouring God? Nowadays, as soon as the going gets tough (and by the way, “tough” in this case means different things to different people), they abandon ship, leaving their partner and children to pick up the pieces- often with long-term devastating effects.
The role abandonment ‘epidemic’
Is this really what society has become, or is it a figment of my imagination?
One of the most disturbing aspects of this trend is the role reversal that seems to be taking place in many marriages. In the name of modernisation, and other unknown reasons, some men and women are abandoning their God-ordained roles, leading to confusion, conflict, and chaos in the home.
This reversal is where you might observe that more men are abandoning their ‘post’, so to speak — neglecting their responsibilities as husbands and fathers, while some women are overriding their spouses’ headship, kamwe kakukachukira kasingazoperi mushe and taking on roles that are not theirs to bear. This reflects underlying challenges in the understanding of roles in relationships, or speaks to the willingness or unwillingness thereof, of individuals to learn and do what is right in God’s eyes. It is my hope, though, that before tying the knot couples receive enough expert counsel on what marriage will require of them -that it will not be a state of living that they can put on and off as they please, but a commitment to uphold and pray for. There has to be a willingness to honour God, respect one another, and put in the work to function effectively in these roles as they should be.
In their manual “Before You Tie The Note”, ideal for use in preparation for marriage, authors and renowned marriage counsellors, Davison and Gwendoline Kanokanga, have a chapter titled: “Roles Exercise” where each partner must answer these questions: 1.”Do you know what your personal responsibilities are going to be in marriage? List these below”, and 2. What is your source/authority for the answers you have given?”.
These questions set the tone for discussion on what marriage means and what is expected of them.
There is just something heart-warming and inspiring about a couple that has its house in order, each partner fully aware of — and committed to —their God given role in that union. Something about it just lights up my day. I want to see men and women fulfilling their God-ordained roles, and marriages that are built on love, trust, and commitment.
What are some of these roles?
The manual by the Kanokanga goes on to list some of the core roles, with scripture backing.
For husbands, they mention ‘headship of the home’ and ‘love for his wife’,referencing Ephesians 5v23. They also list ‘living with his wife’ as a key role, referencing 1 Peter 3:7.
For wives, the book speaks of the much-debated “Submission”, backing it with Ephesians 5v22, and “Home making”-Proverbs 31v27, and “Helper” — Genesis 2v18. They elaborate on these roles and have another fun exercise for the couple at the end of that lesson, to reinforce what each of them has learnt.
In need of hope?
If you are reading this and you are struggling to figure out how to navigate marriage, I hope that you do not just give up. Instead, turn to God and ask for His guidance and strength. He is the One who instituted marriage, and He is the One who can help you find your way around the challenges you might be facing. Do not abandon ship without exhausting avenues of trusted, qualified, sound counsel. Feel free to reach out if you need more author resources to help you along your journey.
I hope I have stirred some thoughts on how we all can get back to real commitment and seek to understand roles in marriage better. There is room for lifelong improvement, the way I see it.
I would love to hear from you. What are your thoughts on this topic? Have you experienced role reversal or conflict in your marriage? How have you navigated these challenges? Share your story, insights, views, and comments below; you never know who needs the wisdom and insights you have. Also, share this article and join the conversation on our social media platforms as we discuss the importance of returning to God’s design for marriage.
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