Sidumisile Mabena
Mthokozisi Ncube
The fact that no beds were reported destroyed in lodges and homes in Bulawayo during the Zimbabwe international Trade Fair (ZITF) period last week, may be testimony to great manufacturer quality.
While the wheels of commerce and industry slid along smoother than any ball-bearings, the underbelly of the sexy trade also exploded through the stratosphere.
Divans, beds and other furniture were reportedly put to rigorous use, thanks to “potent aphrodisiacs” sold at the Malawi stand.
The stand is a hit, especially with guests from out of town, for its “fail-safe herbal performance enhancers.”
Health experts have, however, warned bedroom athletes against using products that are not tested and approved by the Medicines Control Authority of Zimbabwe (MCAZ).
They said such medicines could turn screams of satisfaction into shrills of terror, because they can cause heart failure and even death during the act.
The Malawi aphrodisiacs dominated bar talk at many drinking spots in the city.
Most people said they were attracted by word-of-mouth to the stand.
A lady of easy virtue, swore by the Virgin Again vaginal wash, which she says always returns her natural resources to pristine state after repeated abuse.
“I have been a hit with out-of-towners during the ZITF period since 2016,” a woman, who only identified herself as Nonono bragged.
“I use the wash for up to seven days before I open up for business. I become as tight as a virgin. The Harare gang always marvels at this and pays top dollar,” she said.
Nonono said sometimes she uses the Daddy Must Cry mixture, which she claimed raises her body temperature and literally makes her clients shed tears of pleasure.
A businessman from out of town, who declined to be named said his “soldier” stands at full attention during the hide-the-sausage game without tiring whenever he uses a herbal concoction called Bazooka Ak47.
“It is aptly named. I roar like a tiger and kick like a Ninja whenever I take this one. I always buy it in bulk whenever I visit Bulawayo for ZITF. I even stock it for resale,” he said.
The businessman said he placed an order for delivery at a later date this time, because his favourite product had run out at the fair.
After the fair, B-Metro followed the hype right up to the Malawi Stand, and found Nonkosi Mumba manning it.
She said visits to the place must have broken records this year.
Mumba said demand for products was so high, they had to do emergency restocking several times.
“People of all sizes and shapes were buying our products in high volumes,” she said.
Mumba introduced B-Metro to the Big Five virility and vitality products, which she said always sold like hotcakes.
“At the Malawi ZITF stand, we specialise in herbal and wellness medicine. We have different products for cleansing, energy, and general body support. People come in large numbers because they trust natural remedies.”
She explained that some of the most sought-after products included herbal mixtures popularly marketed for personal wellness and intimate vitality support.
“We have the Big Five that include Virgin Again, which is used for cleansing and tightening the cookie jar.”
“We also have Daddy Must Cry, which is mainly for women, and Bazooka (AK 47), which is used to boost libido, energy and confidence.”
Also, she said, there was ginger-based palm wine, locally branded “Malawina,” and fermented wellness beverages. According to the exhibitors, these are promoted as natural tonics for energy, circulation, and general health.
“We also have herbs that people say help with blood pressure and other health concerns,” Mumba added.
Online Reporter