adminLAST week I concluded my column with sharing on how a close friend has solved her mother-in-law drama by keeping her wallet open and this sparked a discussion about working women versus housewives. Being a woman I am deeply concerned and passionate about women. Women issues have always been one of my favourite topics and this week I will not compare them to men or centre them around men because this is the part where I put my fingers to the keyboard without stopping.
If it were up to me whatever will be my write-up will be from my heart without doing much research but I do not believe or think I am the voice of every woman. So without being biased I prefer infusing my own thoughts and my readers’ views to help shed more light in such issues. I take time to read and respond to emails and join the various conversations I am often invited to, though I cannot always do that.
For this past week I had one particular email that caught my eye and got me thinking all day to the day I devoted to writing this column.
An interesting response on this topic came from one man who wrote “In today’s times I feel a woman must earn some money, the amount is not very important but she should at least earn something. When we have the comfort of technology and hiring maids to take care of our daily chores then why not invest your time in something else. Given our economy it is obvious that as men we need help in paying the bills as well, just so there are less fights in the bedroom or monthend stresses that are met with a long list of things that are given to me with the expectation of providing everything that is on the list. Times have changed, back then women mostly had a lot of children and so they needed to stay at home and take care of the children, but now with family planning we know the number we want and the number we can afford and so we do not need the woman to stay at home and take care of the house and children. I think every woman should earn something from work and feel good when monthend comes and also offer to take care of a bill. On a lighter note, you will be in a better position to argue with your husband on financial issues if you also wake up to go to work.”
Housewives are the home-makers, they raise the children and take care of the home from the very beginning. They clean the house, keep everyone happy, and make sure meals are cooked and served on time and that for me is a job as well.
I was surprised that people actually think that respect comes with what one does and contributes to the family because from my understanding I thought respect was given to a partner for free, not at a price.
It seems people agree that working women are more respected because housewives are seen as lazy and useless because they do not contribute to living expenses. An opposing argument to that was that housewives should be more respected because they are devoting their life to their husband and children and are not being “selfish” and depriving the child of the attention.
I really thought respect should be earned not from being a housewife or working wife but from being the person you are. Respect should be related to how much a woman cares and loves rather than how much she can earn and spend.
Sometimes we as people should appreciate the things women do for us. I have noticed that when a chef cooks in a restaurant, and we appreciate the food we even give a tip directly to the chef because they have done so well and the food tasted so good we had to let open our wallet. However, when it happens at home people overlook it and the woman who spends the day at home planning and making a meal is taken for granted and there is no tip channelled towards her effort but we are quick to say she needs to get a job.
If I was a stay-at-home wife I would start my own business of demanding a tip for every chore I do well and when monthend comes I will be able to take care of a bill or two, then maybe I will not be seen as a less contributor in the house.
One email suggested that working mothers flee from taking care of their children and I disagree because I have never met a parent who do not think about what’s best for their children and act on it the best way they can. The best can mean different things, for some that means staying home to be a guiding force in the kids’ lives from a young age, for others it means going to work to provide their children with more than the basic necessities of life.
With some parents that means knowing that their career is intimately part of their identity and giving it up would leave that child with a depressed and directionless parent who serves no one by staying home. Everyone is thinking and making choices. There should be respect for that process, even if the outcome is different from what you believe in.
In fact, I somehow also believe that working women are at pains to prove that they can excel in all areas — outstanding mother, wife and employee, exerting tremendous pressure on themselves.
Working women’s labour cannot go unrewarded. They are the sign of a healthy society and the working women could contribute a lot in creating such a society. They are sacrificing more and working non-stop round the clock.
My mom is a career woman and I am proud of her. She is also a role model for me, being a career woman does not mean giving up parenting or family. It simply means there is more to offer and to inspire your children.
Going out to work gives anyone, not only women, a sense of confidence. There are women who have no choice but to work, but many ladies also work because they are qualified and have a passion for it. When they do work they bring in useful money, one must admit who does not like money?
People do not give respect as you are earning, people give respect for your attitude and behaviour. Independence is not that we earn for our own needs.
If marriage is an institute then both the wife and husband have some responsibilities to bring up the family. It is up to the wife and husband to choose the way they handle that. Working women will not be respected just becausing they are earning.
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Online Reporter