Spare a thought for the motorist

DESPITE largely being viewed as a measure of success, owning a car can be a source of problems in families and society at large.

No matter the condition or ownership of the same, that mechanical devise propelled by a combustion engine has capacity to create enemies for you.

A car can also wreck your marriage, invite public ridicule or bring useless characters around you.

Called “motikari”, “motokari”, “motika”, “zhim-zhim”, “vhuzhi”, “vhuzhalo”, “jalopy” and “automobile” among a host of other names, that beast on four wheels has countless tales around it.

There seems to be an unwritten law that people with cars never go broke.

The moment relatives, friends and acquaintances discover that you have a car, they seem to want to always consign all costs to you.

Your resilience can be tested in the most difficult way at occasions like funerals where some people openly refuse to contribute anything the moment your presence is known.

“Ah! What kind of language is that? How do you expect me to contribute the same amount of money with someone who has a car? The fact that I am doing the rounds on two feet shows that I am poor and I have not yet arrived like him,” I heard a bloke shouting at a funeral wake in the neighbourhood.

“Zvoto zvine mazera. Regai vanemari vambobhadhara isu tozopindira pave paya,” he purred.

People generally never take into account that a car needs fuel and regular service. All they care about is getting space in the car!

When travelling for a funeral or any family gathering, very few people mind about contributing towards fuel or paying tollgate fees.

All they worry about is time, food and beer.

A puncture during the journey is not their concern. In fact, they pour scorn on you for this.

“When we saw you driving we thought you knew tyres needed to be taken care of as well. How do you enjoy your ride when you are always parting with cash fixing tyres? Why did you not wait until you could afford to fix everything rather than exposing us to the prospect of being robbed like this? Cars are not for the poor,” you are told in jest, but people will be meaning exactly what they say to you.

People with cars rank among the most abused souls on planet earth.

“My friend I have to meet someone in town now and transport is a challenge. Can you take me there? I will pay for the fuel when I collect my money from him,” some people will tell you.

As I commit pen to paper gentle reader, there are countless people who have lost their jobs because of cars.

This is largely after an unsanctioned friend or relative would have been involved in an accident with it or would have used it for pirating and or criminal activities.

Scientists are still to furnish the world with the results of the relationship between women, a seatbelt and petrol. Whenever those things mix there is disaster.

Most motorists are known to be womanisers and in fact, women literally throw themselves on the feet of men known to drive around.

A former classmate told me how she regretted ever allowing her husband to buy a car because he is now barely home and on the few occasions he turns up, he will be telling all sorts of lies about mechanics and oil leaks.

“I kick myself in the foot each time I think about the decision I made to let my husband buy a car. Now he is never home. All he tells me are stories about being invited for parties, attending funerals and accompanying friends to their rural homes. I am living like a widow despite him being alive,” she told this writer while crying.

Gentle reader, owing a car is as if one has committed a crime.

There are some police officers who seem to be out to spoil the fun for motorists. These ladies and gentlemen will point at non-existent defects or omissions to wring cash from you.

Some characters in the communities in which we live also accuse motorists of being thieves.

Each time they are visited by thieves, the motorist becomes the first suspect.

The same applies to people in rocky marriages. Each time they see someone with a car, he is immediately accused of being the source of their marital challenges.

Let us spare a thought for the motorist.

Inotambika mughetto.

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