Stop being too possessive

I was held hostage while on my way to the bank one Saturday morning.

My crime: I had greeted a former classmate of the opposite sex and she felt I could not leave before meeting her husband because he had a special interest in knowing people who talk to his wife and why?

“Shaaz, I am sorry you cannot leave before my husband arrives because he is possessive. The day would end up bad for me if you leave,” the ex-classmate of mine pleaded while ushering me to a chair in her tiny and poorly ventilated merchandise shop in downtown Harare.

I told her I was rushing to the bank, which was closing in 15 minutes, but she would not listen.

“He may beat me up, shout or even send me packing. Nzwisisawo kani,” pleaded the mother of two, who was donning an oversized African attire.

And true to her word, the gentleman arrived hissing.

“I heard you were talking to a very fat man on the pavement. Who is he? What did he want? Does he know that you are a married woman?” he said without noticing that I was sitting in the shop.

I had to cough to register my presence!

Such are the kind of challenges our sisters are going through.

There are some men who are so possessive that they will never miss an opportunity to sniff around and find out what their wives are up to.

For such guys, the family would rather go hungry while they invest heavily in “informers” and other forms of spies to glean information about their spouses.

It is much worse if you happen to be offered a lift by a workmate or classmate of the opposite sex.

You are best sleeping on a shop veranda than sauntering to a former classmate’s house seeking overnight accommodation.

It creates problems!

Called “shanje”, “ruchengera”, “entitlement” or simply “chikwekwe”, possessiveness sometimes gets to a point where the woman involved loses confidence and withdraws from the public.

“Baba, shanje hadzivake musha, dzinotyora mbariro kuita tsotso,” sang the late Dr Oliver Mtukudzi.

Former classmates, neighbours, workmates, distant relatives and even strangers seeking directions are often on the receiving end of possessive people’s antics.

In most cases, these people are beaten up, scolded or given meaningless warnings.

This kind of mental illness knows no gender and age as both males and females are affected.

I have bumped into so many couples quarrelling after either part would have extended an uncharacteristic wave to a stranger.

Party dance-floors also create awkward situations when people randomly dance together.

“Ah, ah, ah! I am not a young child. Why did you let that woman go without paying her fare for the trip into town? You think I am foolish and could not see that there is something going on between the two of you. If she is genuinely someone you grew up with, why did you not care to introduce her to me? Wakajaidzwa,” I heard a workmate being told straight to his face by his wife.

“Why did you get married if you still lust for other women. You are growing up without wisdom. Zirume risina musoro,” the woman continued.

In a separate incident, I saw an elderly man running after a gentleman who had greeted his wife and would not let go of him without a bit of interrogation.

“Do you know that the woman you have just greeted is my wife? Who are you? Where do you know her from? Do you know her family name? Can you name some of her brothers? Please, next time do not go around greeting people’s wives,” I heard the old man saying while trembling with anger.

Gentle reader, greeting an acquaintance or passing by the hospital to visit an ailing former classmate may not yield the intended results.

The moment their husband, boyfriend, wife or girlfriend see you, they sometimes feel being tested in the most difficult way.

“That you were together in school may be true, but that you are disturbing us is real. Do you think at my age I did not attend school with some boys?

“He was your boyfriend at school and it ended there. Do not come here telling me about your school days okay,” I heard a neighbour telling a woman who had dropped by to visit an ailing schoolmate.

It can be worse if you are found drinking tea in a former classmate’s house.

“I have totally resigned from the world. It’s not that I have changed a lot and do not want to socialise, but my husband is something else.

“The other time the brother to my sister’s husband came home and I was beaten up on suspicion of being in love with him,” one schoolmate told me.

Possessiveness remains real and we can change the world by trusting others.

Inotambika mughetto.

 

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