Strong Families resolve conflicts

Pastor Kilton Moyo

Last week we looked at a number of characteristics of strong families. I was happy to get feedback from readers on the topic and thanks to all those who learnt something from the article.

One of the characteristics of the strong families mentioned last week is the ability to resolve conflicts. I want to take this aspect to another level today considering the level of conflicts bedevilling families these days. You will agree with me that many families have been destroyed by conflicts that they could have resolved had they all the guts and the willingness to. My observation as one who has so much interest in the stability of the family is that many people are not willing to solve issues and many do not have the patience required to do so. I can come up with a lot of reasons why many of us fail in this aspect, but today let me just give you one way of dealing with conflict at home.

It does not matter the kind of conflict, it can be resolved without destroying the family or killing anyone. Humanity is gifted with the ability to solve problems. The challenge is that we just do not want to be who God expects us to be and we have allowed many things to define us and our attitudes completely messing us up. Humanity is messed up these days. Just listen to people talking about other people, about their children or spouses or whoever, you will tell, there is a problem and the problem is the inability to solve problems. Let me help you at family level on how you can resolve your conflicts.

Own up to your faults and take responsibility

This sounds so simple and yet it is the backbone strategy of resolving conflicts at home. The reason why many of us have destroyed our families is that we cannot own up to our faults or mistakes. Many people are too proud to say sorry or apologise or accept they are wrong. Unless you accept your fault you cannot be corrected or correct the situation. Many people would rather divorce; betray children and relatives and everyone, than say “I am sorry”. This is the tragedy of humanity now. Too proud to be human enough. The painful thing about this is that it is men who are usually too stubborn to appreciate they are wrong. Men are family leaders and if leadership at any level cannot own up to its faults, then destruction is the result.

Beloved, this simple principle of leadership is required at all levels of leadership. A leadership that does not see its faults cannot build anything lasting. A father at home who owns up to his faults, builds strong and open and humble children. A husband who owns up to his mistakes and accepts being wrong to his wife builds a strong relationship that is full of trust, love and genuineness. You see, male pride is not a godly thing but demonic. True leadership at home will say “I made a mistake. Forgive me”.

Forgiveness is hard to come by when you are refusing the truth. Do you know there are so many marriages that would have been saved had somebody been humble enough to say “I am wrong.” Do you know there are many families that could be so strong and viable today had somebody owned up and apologised? Taking responsibility over your actions or faults resolves the problem. When you own up you create an atmosphere conducive to resolving the problem. Beloved, the truth sets people free. The truth has power to overcome any problem. The truth heals situations. Do not be afraid of being vulnerable for the sake of the truth.

My simple encouragement this week is that, let us own up and take responsibility and solve issues at home. Kill pride.

Destroy selfishness. Destroy fear. True men and fathers and leaders at home will own up and build strong families.

Teach children by being an example.

You are not too late. You are stuck in that family conflict and have been for years now and you are still trying to bury the truth. Just gather courage and own up and apologise and seek forgiveness. We all have the ability to settle things and we all have the capacity to forgive and love again. It’s all about our choices. There is no conflict that you cannot resolve. The most basic and simplest strategy is just owning up and taking responsibility. Fathers, we can say sorry.

Husbands, we can say sorry. Leaders everywhere, we can say sorry and overcome so many things.

For more information you can contact us at Citizen Africa Foundation where we focus of Christian counselling of marriages, family and sexuality. You can follow us on Facebook, on our blog @ fruitfulmarriages.wordpress.com or on twitter @fmarriages. You can also email us or attend our seminars or invite us to do a seminar for you.

Kilton Moyo is creator of Fruitful Marriages, a renewal and enrichment program and is pastor, counselor and author of The Sex Trap. Call or whatsap on +263 775 337 207, +263 772 610 103 or [email protected] <mailto:[email protected]>