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Collen Takaza University of Zimbabwe
The best way to start this conversation is by asking the question: how do you say goodbye?
When saying valediction, do you cry or you just shout, “See you!”
There are downsides that many parents sending off their teenage children to college or university go through.
Most parents are gripped with irrevocable grief, unbearable apprehension and suffer the affliction of a life-altering loss when sending-away their children to university/college.
Thousands of parents, each year are struck by the empty nest syndrome — a combination of loneliness and grief when their children depart home.
Single mothers are left heavily traumatized and lonely, knowing that their “only” friend is leaving.
To those whose children will be going abroad for studies there is always this heightened anxiety and many become panic-stricken until they know that their children have arrived safely and have settled down well.
Parents of teenagers about to leave for college may also go through depression and dejection as the day for semester commencement approaches.
The weight of sorrow tends to take some parents by surprise, leaving them in a melancholic mood. Normally a considerable amount of time is taken up as parents help their child to get ready to leave.
The pain of separation can have devastating consequences on the parent(s) and can go far beyond just missing your child after they have left. Some parents can actually feel a lack of purpose or control.
Albeit, some parents go through emotional pressure and distress when sending-away children. Some actually experience relief and ecstasy as their child leaves for college/university.
There are quite a lot of reasons to explain why parents exhibit certain attributes when they are sending off their teenagers to college/university.
The fact that these are teenagers (young people) is enough reason for most parents to be edgy.
Parents worry much about their children’s safety during college time as well as the type of friends they are going to meet as this will inevitably impact on their behaviour and even performance in their studies.
This alarm becomes pronounced when the child is travelling to a distant place or country. Parents are consequently, bothered about whether their child will be able to acclimatize to the new environment.
Those who are financially crippled and lack the means tend to worry much about the high college fees and other related costs for their child’s education.
In most cases, it is a saddening story for poverty-stricken families as they go through hell to raise adequate funds for their child’s accommodation, clothing, and food while at university. Some will end up borrowing part of the money for their children’s needs at university/college.
Budgetary concerns, however, do not only affect the poor as most parents suffer a huge financial set-back when sending a child to university.
Other parents also fret over the programme that their child chooses to pursue. They become crestfallen whenever the child refuses to take their advice.
Parents have a propensity to develop close bonds with their children hence parting ways can be a thorn in the flesh. This is even much more serious for single parents.
The transition from high school to college is like jumping off a huge cliff and this unavoidably causes teenagers to be strung-up and restless. Parents, therefore, worry so much when they see their own children troubled.
On the other hand, other parents get relieved sending away their teenagers to college because they have the assumption that having something worthwhile to do can help curb misbehaviour. This can also help reduce pressure on the parents who may now need to be concerned mostly about their careers.
What animates other parents is a sense of triumph – because having a child leave home to go to college or university is considered as a measure of achievement. It is a sign that you have prepared them for the world.
A critical reason for the anxiety and grief experienced by parents when parting ways with their children is a result of exceptional health conditions that their child could be suffering from. It can be some form of disability that requires ongoing care.
Some of the arguments presented above are informed by an understanding that most parents have limited knowledge in certain areas of study. They, therefore, may not understand why their child has taken a particular path.
Parents in this case may need to check with experts in career guidance before forcing their own children to do certain programmes and more so to avoid getting depressed when their child refuses to listen to their advice.
Other parents have never been to college themselves and they perceive college or university life as life in the jungle which only the fittest survive. This then informs their fear and concern as they find it tricky to trust that their child will be able to navigate the unsympathetic terrain.
Other parents have also passed through the prestigious gates of various universities and are highly informed of some of the ills at institutions of higher learning, thus causing them to fear for their children.
Cecil Day-Lewis in his poem, “Walking Away,” reinforces the need to embrace this progressive separation by noting that selfhood begins with a walking away, and love is proved in the letting go.
Online Reporter