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Vaidah Mashangwa
IT is estimated that millions of grandparents have assumed guardianship to their grandchildren.
The main reason is that they have stepped in to take care of children left behind by their parents due to HIV/Aids, violent crime, domestic violence, drugs, incarceration and suicide. The worst scenario is when both parents leave for the Diaspora leaving children behind. At times the parents rarely come back and looking after these children becomes the burden of the grandparents.
It is also unfortunate that almost half of the grandchildren live with just one of the grandparents thereby affecting the children’s chance of going to school, access to health care, food and clothes. It is estimated that in the last decade, the number of grandparents living with grandchildren could be three or four times more than before.
While this is the norm, there is a separate category of grandparents who have assumed part-time child-rearing responsibilities because their daughters are single parents or both the daughter-in-law and the son are full time employees. At times the grandmothers move away from their own homes to stay with the young children.
Where their children are in incarceration for example, say for drug abuse, robbery, infanticide or otherwise, these grandparents are troubled by shame and guilt at the fact that their children failed due to parental upbringing and hence they continue to blame themselves.
It is unfortunate too that most of the children “inherited” by grandparents are the most needy, vulnerable, poor, mostly emotionally damaged and the most angry in any given state. The loss of a beloved one, the loss of parental guidance haunt them forever too as the grandparents are unable to provide for any need that arises.
At times these grandparents care for a minimum of three grandchildren and at times they may look after five to six grandchildren, each one of them with a special need especially the need for education.
Bearing all this in mind, it is prudent that special attention be paid to these new grandparent-led families. Most of them might be pensioners and therefore their meagre allowances might not be enough to cater for both their own basic needs and that of the grandchildren. It is highlighted in the book, “Personal Growth Behaviour,” that the burden of poverty is worse off when it has to be shared with others.
At times the girl child is deprived of small things such as sanitary ware that gives teenagers confidence. Some of the grandchildren are left with their grandparents at a very tender age and have little memory of their own parents. This kills their ego. At times contact with the actual parents (if they are alive) becomes sporadic and in the end all the love and loyalties are with the grandparents.
For grandparents who are employed babies’ schedules take over their lives and time because the end of the day means a baby waiting for more attention. Some grandparents undergo stress and this changes completely their way of life including sex life as both are tired at the end of the day.
Some grandchildren as they grow up end up challenging their grandparents and in the end control over them is lost. Some grandparents succumb to diseases such as hypertension and diabetes. Finally the grandparents become both physically and mentally weak to take care of the children. Eventually some die leaving the children to fend for themselves. After this the children are devastated more as they have to come face to face with the difficulties associated with child-headed households.
At times grandchildren are not always a burden to grandparents but can be an addition to the family especially as some grandparents try to cope with loneliness after all children move out of the home. When the grandchildren move out they may actually leave a huge void.
Generally, the grandchildren need special care and treatment so that they do not continually think about their “lost” parents. These children need affection and some because of their background, might need counselling so that they cope with issues at hand.
In some countries, grandparents have been advocating for the liberalisation of laws regulating child custody as some parents might be both alive but irresponsible, say in the case of drug abusers and alcoholics. They feel that grandparents should be given custody of grandchildren in worst cases of child neglect or allowed to adopt the children before much damage is done.
Some states have created kinship care programmes under which relatives caring for children from the extended family receive some grants. In some states, the grandparents are eligible for such benefits if they give custody of the children to the state. It then makes the grandparents foster parents of their own grandchildren. Most grandparents are however reluctant to cede their authority to government. It is imperative that governments look into ways of assisting these silent saviours of children.
While some of the children raised by grandparents can be socially and psychologically damaged, there are some resilient children who shrug off the damage and go on to be highly productive in life despite everything working against them.
In addition, children’s ability to cope naturally improves as they develop and gain experience. One study on such children revealed that most children shake off their previous problems by the time they reach their late 20s or early 30s.
Generally, there is a lot of recovery that takes place if people avoid focusing on one particular incident when things were falling apart. The children of course need a lot of support so that they fully complete the recovery path. There are some grandparents though who are very abusive and this should be avoided at all costs.
In fact, children are more susceptible in the early years but with the right help at the right time they can overcome almost anything. Neglect can have devastating effects on the overall development of children. Children who grow up in hostile care giving environments will not recover easily and consequences will be negative.
It is therefore important for everyone to take good care of children under one’s custody so that these children grow up to be productive citizens rather than social misfits through drug abuse, robbery or murder. After all later years can be the happiest of one’s life as one raises grandchildren.
Vaidah Mashangwa is the Provincial Development Officer, Ministry of Women Affairs, Gender and Community Development Bulawayo Province. She can be contacted on 0772111592 email [email protected]
derick.khumalo