Umjolo is a jungle. Luckily, Bra Binzy has the map

Love is sweet but sometimes it behaves like a goat inside a vegetable garden. Every week your letters land on my desk carrying tears, laughter and madness mixed together. Let us open the Bra Binzy mailbag and see what trouble people are cooking in their relationships.

My girlfriend cheated, I
want lobola refund

Dear Bra Binzy

I paid lobola for my girlfriend two years ago but we never had a wedding because we were still building our lives. Last month I discovered she has been seeing another man who even drives her to work. When I confronted her she said she is tired of waiting and wants to leave.

Now her family says they will not return the lobola because “marriage discussions were already done”. I feel cheated because she is the one who broke the relationship.

Should I go and fight for my money or just leave it?
—Angry in Lupane

Bra Binzy responds

Eish mfowethu, lobola is not airtime that you can just reverse when the relationship signal disappears. But that does not mean you must swallow the pain like bitter medicine.

Traditionally, if the woman is the one who breaks the union through cheating or disrespect, the family can be asked to return at least part of the lobola. The key word here is respect. Do not storm their homestead like a war commander. Go there with elders from your side.

Let the elders speak. They will remind the family that their daughter has jumped the fence into another kraal. If the family has dignity they will return something, even if it is symbolic.

But here is the deeper lesson. Never rush lobola discussions before the foundation of the relationship is solid. Some people see lobola as a finishing line yet it should be the beginning of responsibility.

If the relationship is finished, fight for peace of mind first before you fight for cows.

My two girlfriends discovered each other at church!
Dear Bra Binzy

I am a commuter omnibus driver in Bulawayo. For two years I have been dating two women from different suburbs. I thought I had balanced everything well until last Sunday.

Both women attended the same church conference and somehow started talking. That is when they discovered I was dating both of them. They confronted me outside the church hall and nearly caused a fight.

Now both of them want explanations and are demanding that I choose one of them immediately. The problem is that I love both of them in different ways.

How do I escape this trap?
—Cornered Driver

Bra Binzy responds
Haa mfowethu, this is not a trap. This is the harvest of seeds you planted yourself.

Running two relationships is like driving a kombi with two steering wheels. At some point the vehicle will crash because each driver wants to turn a different direction.

Now the truth has come out in the holiest place possible. Even Heaven must have been shaking its head at your drama.

You say you love both women, but love without honesty is just entertainment. These ladies are not passengers who can jump off at the next rank.

Sit down and be honest. Choose one woman and release the other with respect. If you try to keep both, you will end up losing both.
And next time remember that secrets travel faster than kombis on payday.

My wife’s gym trainer is becoming too friendly
Dear Bra Binzy

My wife recently started a weight-loss journey, so she joined a gym. At first I supported her but now I am worried about the trainer.

He constantly comments on her body on social media and sends motivational messages late at night.

When I complained she said he is just encouraging her fitness journey.

But last weekend I saw them laughing and touching shoulders while stretching. I am starting to feel like a spectator in my own marriage.

Am I overreacting?
—Jealous Husband

Bra Binzy responds

Eish bhudi, gyms are for building muscles but sometimes they also build temptation.

Your concern is not completely crazy. When communication between trainer and client starts moving into late night messages and social media flirting, the line between professional and personal becomes blurry.

But before you explode like a kettle on a hot stove, talk calmly with your wife. Explain that respect in marriage includes setting boundaries with outsiders.

She may simply see the trainer as motivation while you see a rival warming up on the sidelines.

The solution is simple. Boundaries. Training sessions must stay at the gym and messages must stay professional.

Remember this though. Jealousy without communication becomes poison. Communication without jealousy becomes understanding.

Find the balance before the marriage starts doing push-ups under pressure.

Bra Binzy’s

final word

That is all for today, my people. Love can make you dance like a wedding guest or cry like a goalkeeper after a last-minute goal.

If your heart is tangled in relationship drama, write to Bra Binzy. Remember one thing. A wise lover fixes problems early before they grow teeth and start biting.

Until next week, keep your hearts honest and your secrets short. Bra Binzy is always watching the love streets.

Want Bra Binzy to fix your messy umjolo situation?
n Email: [email protected]
Or WhatsApp us on 0776201133 with the hashtag #DearBraBinzy