Online Reporter
Trust Khosa
Lifestyle Senior Writer
THE tradition of paying bride price, known as lobola, has been revered for generations.
In African culture, this practice serves as a profound expression of respect for the family that raised the bride.
The journey of raising a girl child is fraught with challenges, demanding extra care and diligence from her parents and community.
It’s not a stroll in the park, as sacrifices are made while sweat is shed for the bride’s development.
As they enter courtship, there is a need to protect them against perverts preying on these innocent souls.
In communities that still uphold African morals and values, it’s a huge celebration to hear of them graduating into marriage.
Locally, this transition is widely respected as the role of the aunt takes centre stage.
As has become the norm, aunts step in to provide emotional support to both the bride and groom, offering advice and encouragement throughout the marriage journey.
This has been the common practice in Zimbabwe for ages and has been embraced by many.
Aunts can also serve as role models for healthy relationships by sharing their own experiences and insights on maintaining a successful marriage.
They are the ones who dictate the pace by informing the family that the bride is about to enter marriage.
These special people hold the keys and are responsible when lobola negotiations start.
However, they also take the “stick” when the lobola negotiations either stall or fail to take place as scheduled.
Could this be the case with TikToker Sharlene Kachere, who broke the internet after her groom, Alfred Chinyani, vanished during the lobola ceremony on September 27?
Will she ever recover from this trauma, which has given social media trolls a rare feast online?
Was the groom justified in his no-show? These are some of the most pertinent questions that have been trending in the past month.
From the whole scenario, it was evident that the couple was not open with each other, according to the version of Sharlene’s sister, Noreen.
“When I was called in July, I was advised that there was a lobola ceremony for Sharlene. I last saw her two years ago and thought everything was in place until I heard that the in-laws did not show up,” narrated Noreen in leaked voice notes.
She also defended her sister amid reports that she had gone out on the eve of the lobola ceremony, stating, “Reports that she went out on the lobola ceremony’s eve are false because she was at our grandmother’s place.
“Again, she didn’t hide that she had a child, which she regularly posts. As for the groom, we hear he has kids, but I don’t know why it didn’t take place.”
Although Albert’s side of the story could not be ascertained, from the looks of things, there were some loopholes that needed to be rectified from the onset to avoid this huge embarrassment.
He is believed to be married and staying with his wife and children. With several theories still flying regarding this issue, there is a need to unravel it.
While speculation is rife after this incident, there is a need to explore the sanctity of lobola and marriage promises.
Do we still value these traditional ceremonies? Have we lost our identity? Cultural experts weighed in on this debate and shared their thoughts.
Revered novelist, cultural advocate and filmmaker Aaron Chiundura Moyo described such acts as unfortunate.
“In our culture, this kind of behaviour is a huge mockery to the bride’s family,” he stressed.
“In the event that the groom encounters problems on the way and still wishes to continue with lobola negotiations, he will need to pay a fine and proceed with the negotiations. If he decides not to continue with the lobola proceedings, there is nothing that can be done culturally unless the girl is pregnant.”
The prolific novelist also provided his legal perspective in modern-day Zimbabwe.
“To those who understand their rights as enshrined in the laws of the land, the aggrieved party can still sue for breach of contract and ensure that the groom meets all the costs.
The bride can also sue for all the preparation costs incurred and recover her money,” he emphasised.
“The only sad reality at the moment is that most people out there don’t understand the laws of the land, but they can still be protected.”
Fellow cultural advocate and spiritualist Kessia “Muchaneta” Masona lamented the way traditional weddings have been devalued over the years.
“The lobola ceremony is a traditional way meant to unite the two families and it has been scrapped over the years,” she stated.
“In the past, the traditional wedding or lobola ceremony was a private affair where only close relatives had the privilege to be invited. This is in contrast to what we are witnessing nowadays, as the event is now being publicised on social media months before the event, leading to traditional wedding ceremonies losing their weight.”
She also mentioned that social media has impacted this whole mess, where such events are either aborted or end prematurely.
“To be honest, when one goes public with such events, haters will always find time to interfere with them. Traditionally, failure to conceal such information may lead evil spirits or haters to come on board and stall progress.”
She continued:
“As a spiritualist and someone who believes in our African tradition, I always urge people to exercise privacy in whatever they are doing to avoid this kind of embarrassment that we have been accustomed to over the years.
“In our culture, there are some evil relatives casting bad spells on us, and this shocking trend has been happening for years.
“I will continue doing my best, and it has always been my wish to educate people on the significance of this sacred practice, which has always been valued over the years.”
Some lawyers suggested that Sharlene could sue Chinyani for breach of promise.
With all these perspectives being brought forward by experts, it’s clear that a lot needs to be revisited in this marriage institution. Culturally, people still need to adhere to the way of life and observe some of the morals that used to bind us together as Zimbabweans. This can only save would-be couples from embarrassment, while pursuing the legal route once wronged is another perception that needs to be observed at all times.
The case of Sharlene and Albert will always serve as a genuine reminder that publicising traditional marriages is not only dangerous but a recipe for embarrassment.
The TikToker could have saved herself from embarrassment had she kept her affair secret.
There was no need for her to invite dozens of friends when she knew her past as a social media addict.
After all has been said and done, the sanctity of the marriage institution and keeping the marriage promise need to be maintained.
