Who said Zim has no winter?

of sales.
I mean that the regulars have been divided into two distinct groups by the abominable weather. Who is it who declared that Zimbabwe has no winter? The idiot needs to be left lying in the sun somewhere on the dunes of Sahara with no bottle in sight!

It may be short and mild compared to the North Pole but it is certainly there. And unless you are a polar bear why would you want to reside in or around any Pole anyway? No offence to the Eskimoes, Scandinavians and all other like-minded races intended.
But to get back to the regulars the first group is made up of all those who have become reclusive in the past week. If they get out of the house at all, then they head back home immediately after work without even peeking into the usual place pleading that the cold is too much.

But I have another theory. The cold spell has conveniently come in the middle of the month and some people just will not admit that right now a blanket rather than a beer is better for their budget.

Then there is the second group to which your truly belongs; these are the people who get into the pub for a quick one then spend the rest of evening postponing the inevitable moment when you have to brace for the cold wind and punishing drizzle again.

So we are staying in the usual place later than we would normally do and buying more which means that the good company that brews the wonderful stuff needs not worry about decreased sales any time soon.

There being fewer of us in the house it has been easier to discuss some sensitive matters. Especially since Taurai the pub gossip is one of those who have opted to stay away. Thus we have had a chance to get onto a topic that we had tacitly ignored in the preceding week.

We think that this creature called Facebook has a lot to answer for. A lot of people are behaving dreadfully because of this Facebook madness. And predictably while those we copy are now tired of it we are acting like there will never be a better invention in this century.

In the past the regulars were safe from all this tomfoolery. I mean which drinker could afford to waste good drinking time sitting in some hotspot hunched over a PC chatting to people who are never going to buy you one any time this year?

But now with this 3G thing there is no more etiquette in the pubs as former drinking mates sit hunched over their mobile phones and do not contribute to the conversation, What is the point of coming to the pub if you are not going to talk to anyone, not even the regulars?

Even old gizzards have caught the social site fever and old men and women are busy furtively looking for old flames and fresh blood on the net. I am told that some golden oldies are really out trawling on the net.
And to catch the best fish you have to have an impressive profile. Lots of money could do the trick. Or you could try posting some really great pictures of yourself.

And what is better than a photo of you with some celebrity? Then everyone will know that you met so and so. Never mind that the whole world knows that the celebrity was just doing another PR exercise and would never recognise you from a heap of dung if you met them again.

The most important thing would be that you had a photo taken with them, right? Otherwise why would a whole grown-up man be moaning, groaning and whining just because someone did not give him a chance to have his picture taken with a celebrity?

Like I have said earlier this whole foolish thing has taken even the most dedicated drinkers by the throat. Now it is quite common to see a fellow ignore his table mates while he concentrates on his mobile as though he is sealing some world-changing deals.

If this was anything useful like telling some guy who is still stuck at work to hurry up already and come to the usual place to foot the bill for the night I would have no objection. But no!
People are busy posting inane comments like, “It is freezing today”. So what? Do you think you are the only one with a skin that has sensory nerves and the rest of the world must rely on your announcement to know that the temperatures have taken a dip?

Others are better like “Baby boy. Born 10 minutes ago. We are over the world”. At least it is a useful announcement and might earn the father a few drinks if he knows the right kind of people. Even if the little creature generally belongs to the mother who will have all the pleasure to put food in at one end and the pain of cleaning it out of the other.

Then there are the irritating ones who pick up a quote from some wise guy and post it on their wall as if it is an original thought. And then there are lots of ignoramuses who fall for the lie and start praising the other guy for being such a font of wisdom, without realising that the “new” piece that they have heard was written a million years ago by some dude with a name that did not remain in fashion long after his death. Just some funny old dude with a name like Socrates, Plato or Confucius.

If you have a wise word to say, then link up with Bra Gee on his Facebook wall where we hope to be posting our photos with some international celebrities very soon.
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