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I broke up with my ex because I finally grew up.
He was my first – of everything. First boyfriend, first kiss, etc etc. When I met him he didn’t check all my boxes, but there was just this undeniable attraction. It was intense and I could not get away. A year into the relationship, I found out I was pregnant. I told him and he said that he’s happy and he will do everything for me and the baby.
In March 2015, I went into labour three weeks too early. He couldn’t leave his work so I gave birth to our child without him. She has his nose and his hair. Two days after the delivery, while recuperating at the hospital (from a C-section) the family welfare coordinator came to our room. She’s about to process my daughter’s birth certificate. She asked me whether the father would visit soon because he has to sign the forms, otherwise they will have to keep the father’s name blank – this is the protocol and the law because the father and I were not married. I think at that moment I knew that ‘we’ would never work out. He couldn’t leave a job, practically 1 hour away, to see his own daughter. I could not cry so I just kept silent and told the nice lady from family welfare that I would only be the one who would sign the forms.
We came home, and baby stayed with my parents and for the next eight months, I never slept more than 2 hours at a time. It took a whole month for my scar to heal – according to the doctor, one reason is I was depressed. I cried every night out of self-pity.
On my daughter’s first month, he finally visited. He took her in his arms for a few minutes. He didn’t stay more than two hours. We didn’t talk. He didn’t tell me what his plans were. The same thing happened in my daughter’s second month. That visit was even shorter than the first. That visit was the last. I stayed with my parents and he stayed away.
Still, I kept sending him photos of her through social media. I shared with him all her firsts. I tried not to pressure him. Sometimes I asked him what his plans for ‘us’ were. He just kept telling me to wait. He said we would be together someday. This went on for 2 1/2 years.
Then one night, as I was on my way home from work. I realised we had not communicated in weeks. “And I’m okay. I don’t need him. We don’t need him. I have enough love and care for my daughter. I have my parents who absolutely adore her. I have great friends who believe in me. I have a promising job, a great break in my career.” That same night, I sent him a message and thanked him for my daughter. I told him I forgave him and that I wish him a happy life. If we hadn’t met, I wouldn’t have the most precious gift ever. He was so wrong but my daughter made everything right.
He never loved me. Because if he did, he would have done everything to be beside me – instead of being stopped by so many reasons and excuses. And at that moment of realisation, I was free to stop loving him.
I deserve more than the occasional text message. I deserve more than empty promises. I deserve a man who will stay up all night to help me take care of our child. I deserve a man who will not hesitate to come to me when I need him. I deserve a man who will be my partner through all the pains not just the pleasure. I deserve a man. He wasn’t one. I finally got it. I finally grew up.
It’s been a year since then and me and the kid are doing great. She’s healthy and happy and I’m working two jobs so I can support our little family. I am working on becoming a better person every day. I’m still growing up. It’s an exciting stage. And I am hopeful for the future. (www.quora.com) (Do you have a story to tell? Email [email protected])
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