adminIF you are, or have considered, being in an extra-marital affair, please think about the next person. It is easy for people to cheat and wake up the next day feeling they should be forgiven because it was nothing; well, tell you what, it is something because you cheated. Breaking marriage vows is easy these days, all people worry about is getting caught. It is so worrying that people are actually scared of getting caught than cheating, they will cheat for as long as they do not get caught. I personally think people should just not cheat for the simple reason that it is wrong and should not be done.
I wish a lot of people could subscribe to this thought though I know it is highly unlikely. I know for some people cheating is in their DNA because that is just who they are but for some cheating is a hobby and for some it is for thrill, while for some it is out of misery but for whatever reason people should just not cheat.
Over the couple of weeks we have been talking about the reasons why people cheat and everyone that has cheated blamed it on so many things and I must admit, most people gave the same reasons and it is scary that five in five people have cheated, yeah true story.
In one e-mail someone said they cheated because of lack of sexual satisfaction in their marriage and I must say this was the most common reason cited by individuals. It seems both women and men who enter into affairs are hoping to improve their sex lives.
I do not understand why one should look for satisfaction elsewhere than improve things at home and make sure they are happy in and out of the bedroom so that things work out well for them. I think in as much as people think sex is just but an additional in a marriage, I still maintain that it takes priority that is why I write about it every week. Every human being may enjoy many other mutual activities but, for whatever reason, if sex is not working out for them they will find joy elsewhere. FACT.
Sex has always been and will always be an integral part of a marriage. While some people are quite content spending the rest of their lives having sex with the same person for many years, others prefer to experiment more as a need, rather than as an option.
They want to sleep with as many people as possible, many times, and therefore do not think twice before an extra-marital alliance. It perhaps makes them feel sexually powerful and more adept than others. Some people have a desire for additional sexual encounters, this was a relatively infrequent reason cited in the chats.
It’s possible that more people had this as a reason but did not want to admit to it as it is not a very socially desirable wish to articulate.
One person in their e-mail stated that they felt they needed more sex in their life to reward them for performing well at their job and it was frustrating for them to get home and fail to get the reward they expected hence the need of getting it elsewhere.
Some people said lack of emotional satisfaction in marriage drove them to seek emotional intimacy elsewhere and this can be nearly as compelling a reason to have an affair as can seeking physical intimacy. Like I always say being appreciated is a key factor in the emotional connection that partners feel toward each other.
Partners may grow apart and, as they do, fail to acknowledge the needs that both have in their relationship, therefore, it is very important to keep the emotional spark alive.
Some people may find the routine of a married life to be tedious and dull so these people find it easier to shift dominance or primacy to another relationship and feel the spark outside to be a thrilling option instead of finding ways of recharging their marriage.
It becomes “present moment for gratification” versus the hard job that they will have to do in their marriage to resolve an issue. The extra-marital relationship provides them with a ready and fresh experience, which is appealing enough to take the risk of leaving their partners because the thrill only lasted for a few minutes. I thought people cheated because they were falling out of love with their partners but this was a relatively insignificant reason because those that have cheated claimed they did not want to end their marriages and would rather be forgiven than punished for their sins as the cheating escapades meant nothing to them. I think perhaps because “love” is so difficult to define.
In the grand scheme of things, having sexual and emotional intimacy seems to trump love. Falling in love with someone new is a hard thing to do that is why too many a time people look for that available “ex”. Very few people indicated that they had fallen head over heels for the person with whom they had the affair with but rather stayed in love with their partners and I just do not get it, why cheat?
Again, emotional intimacy plus sexual closeness seems to be a more important factor that leads partners to stray. Extra-marital affairs clearly represent a complex mix of desire, torture, and need for connection. Rarely are they apparently entered in without conflict or even distress.
They may be the product of, or the cause of, the ending of a marital relationship. Happy couples may decide to experiment as well but I think it’s a risky venture, not one for the faint at heart.
Let’s keep talking email [email protected]. Next week we will talk about who is better at cheating, men or women?
Online Reporter