Why women cheat

Anne Ruthenburg Marriage Doctor
HELLO there readers, I hope you are all well this week. As always, I have a full week, especially with teenage issues, but I love it because they are teaching me stuff I thought I knew, but didn’t especially about emotions. This week, we are continuing our interesting conversation on: Do women cheat and why? I believe last week it was confirmed that yes, women cheat, but mostly for different reasons than men.

After last week’s discussion, I am convinced that for a woman to leave her man – like seriously for another man – I think she would have left her marriage emotionally long before she had an affair. And it seems, disappointment and disillusionment are the main causes.

This is a subject many people think about, but do not want to think about, especially men. Well, today we will talk about it because it is there and it is real. I went to the streets to find out more about do women cheat and why? This is what I found out.

Sierra – yes, we cheat. Come on, do men think they are the only ones who can have affairs? We women do it and we do it better.
Tina – Look I love my husband and he is my best friend. But we both work long hours and he travels a lot. So we are now like a brother and sister or roommates because we do not even enjoy sex, the spark is gone. I met a guy at work and we spend more time together working than I do with my husband. So of course, one night we were working late and one thing led to another and boom we slept together. I regretted it after and as soon as I got home, I called my hubby. But he was all cold and tired and uncaring, so of course when I got a call from my workmate straight after that, my heart leapt. Here was a man who was following up on me, caring for me, interested in how I felt and what I wanted to do about it. My husband knows nothing. And he does not seem to notice that our marriage is not a marriage, but a roommate situation.

Helena – I am hitting him back for what he did to me earlier on in our marriage. Revenge is sweet and I am getting all, the sugar mama. I forgave him, but that does not mean I won’t do it when is crosses my path again. Yes, I did it once with his best friend, but I was drunk. But I realised it is easy and he suspects nothing.

Lorna – I have been married 23 years and never ever thought about cheating on my man. But he has cheated so many times and every time I find out he apologises and says he does not know what got into him. Now I am at the point where the kids are all at boarding school and I have lots of time on my hands. Maybe I will one day – but for now it’s still just a thought in my head.

Tatenda – This is taboo in our culture. But with the influence of the western world, I am sure women will do it. It is known that men do I, but for a women I say No!
Portia – I have been cheating on my husband from day one. He is cheating on me too. So why should I be the victim. If he wants to enjoy his private life – so will I.
A woman may feel the loss of her dreams and hopes and how she thought things would turn out. They may feel very lonely in a marriage until it happened. Then the flirting starts to get attention or she may just start getting attention without even looking for it. Using another partner to transition out of a bad marriage is one of the common reasons women have affairs.

It seems to me folks that when men have affairs it might be from searching for more sex or attention, but most women when they have affairs, it’s because they are looking to fill an emotional void.

So the good news is that most women will not take the chance to have an affair. The bad news is that women are very capable of having an affair if push comes to shove. So men be careful . . . the saying that: “what a man can do, a woman can do too” is actually a reality.

I do not know folks whether this is all a fact. In fact, I think it is theory and is controversial and can’t be proven or disproven eons later. But experts say that women’s motivations to have affairs are typically more than sexual. That is not to say that some women don’t have affairs just for the sex or that sex wasn’t important. But in general, women’s motivations aren’t just about sex.

“I don’t think women are doing it because they want to have more sex. But I don’t think they mind if they get it, one researcher says. “It is not really about sex per se as much as the experience of being with somebody who really cares.”
Well, that is it from me this week folks, until next week, God bless and take care.

◆ Message Anastasia on 0772933845 if you have a subject you need discussed on this forum.
NOTE: No relationship is beyond repair; but not every relationship is meant to be repaired.
Please note information in this column is based on a mixture of research, science, theory and opinion. As much as the majority of information given in this column is tried and tested; the Marriage Doctor can in no way guarantee, that advice given will work for everyone. Every couple’s situation is different, and therefore if you choose to implement the advice given in each column – do so by analysing your own relationship and then with much maturity and patience, only applying those things to your relationship that may apply. Marriage Doctor or the Newspaper can in no way accept responsibility for the outcome (positive or negative). Your relationship is your responsibility, accepting that is the beginning of change.