Online Reporter
Mudzimba
Dr Rebecca Chisamba
Dear Amai, I hope this message finds you well. I am a 42-year-old married man blessed with two sons. Recently, I lost my job and I acknowledge that I am partly to blame for the situation.
Currently, my wife is the sole breadwinner, and this has created significant tension in our home.
I have fallen out of favour, and I am facing a lot of blame from my family for what happened, though I am not yet ready to discuss the details at length.
We own a second home in my rural village that is not yet fully developed. My wife is insisting that I move there to manage projects that she intends to set up and fund.
However, I am not accustomed to rural life, and I am struggling to trust her commitment to this plan, especially given her current anger towards me.
How can I navigate this situation and what assurances can I reasonably seek to ensure this arrangement is sustainable?
Please help.
Response
Hello and thank you for writing in. I am sorry about what happened at work and the difficult predicament you find yourself in.
From what you have stated, I suspect this is a situation you could have avoided. I do not think you have much of a choice but to comply with what your wife is suggesting.
I believe she means well; her promise to be involved in setting up and funding these projects is a good start. Instead of being resistant, take
this on as a job and prove your
worth. Remember, you are head of the family.
These projects may even help you develop your home and accomplish much more.
In the long run, you may be able to employ other responsible people, eventually allowing you to enjoy some freedom to travel between the city and rural area as you wish.
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My kids are a menace
Dear Amai, I am a 45-year-old man struggling with the consequences of a reckless life.
I have lost my job and my wife has left me to care for our three children.
Unfortunately, we are all struggling with alcohol addiction and I have lost control of the situation. My children have become aggressive and have even assaulted me while under the influence.
To make matters worse, people in my neighbourhood are claiming that these children are not mine and that their mother was unfaithful.
I have been told who their biological father is and the physical resemblance is, in fact, astonishing. Given this, is it appropriate for me to confront this man?
I am desperate to be free from this burden.
I want him to take responsibility for his own children, even though he has a family of his own. What should I do?
Response
Greetings, dear writer. What you and your sons have is better described as an addiction. This is what destroyed your marriage. The kids took after you, so there is no reason to describe them as drunkards when you are just like them.
Do not confront the guy suspected of being your kids’ father because you have no tangible proof. You will get yourself into serious trouble.
The best thing is to take your sons for DNA tests if you have any doubts about their paternity.
As for alcohol addiction, you and the family must join alcohol abuse support groups.
They are free and help you stay sober and turn your life around. It is refreshing hearing that you want to turn over a new leaf.
Please embrace the courage to stay on this path. I wish you well.
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Hubby is a cheapskate
Dear Amai, how are you? I am a regular reader of your column in The Sunday Mail and have always learnt so much from your advice. I am 33 years old and my husband is 35.
We have been married for six years and are blessed with one child. My concern is that my husband refuses to have a combined budget.
Even when we go out to eat, we split the bill, and during holidays like Christmas, we buy presents for our respective parents separately.
The only time we truly function as a team is when it concerns our
child or a few minor household matters.
I am finding this arrangement very difficult to navigate. How can we work towards a more unified approach to our finances and our life together?
Response
I am very well and thanks for asking. Thank you for supporting the column. It is sad that people do not honour their vows.
If he does this during good times, what if you were to fall on hard times financially? Did you go for pre-marital counselling? You should be budgeting and planning together as a couple.
Seek professional counselling. The counsellor will help sell to your uptight husband the value of planning your finances together. I
n the meantime, inform him that you are no longer going to split a bill with him or treat your parents and your in-laws as separate budgetary expenses.
Tell him how you want to work as a single unit to reflect your marital status. I wish you all the best.
Feedback: beckychisamba @gmail.com
