Women and the art of marriage

“Shameless creature. She has lost value. How could she do that? Chatove chiseko chedunhu rino. Ende ndanyara,” a woman who claimed to be the girl’s aunt said while throwing her hands about in disgust.
As all this was happening, a certain old lady, whose voice had gone hoarse due to shouting, made it her business to tell whoever cared to listen that the teenager had been caught between the sheets with a married man and had to pay the price for her immorality.
Barely an hour after this, women could be seen holding all manner of plastic containers heading to a prophet’s shrine on the outskirts of Glen Norah.
Donning white regalia from head to toe, the women did not care who was looking at them.
“Handei madzimai tinoshandira dzimba dzedu,” they could be heard saying as they were being buried deeper and deeper into the forest with distance. While working women disappear in groups almost every lunch hour to consult prophets, n’angas and herbalists on the best way to tame their husbands, Thursdays are notorious for these sessions.
Called “kuChina” women meet in their churches or even hold interdenominational meetings every Thursday to find ways of keeping their marriages intact.
At these meetings gentle reader, yours truly is reliably informed that women are taught to be meek, God-fearing, how to prepare healthy dishes for their families and some bedroom tricks to keep their husbands happy and kill the prospect of small houses destroying their families. But why all this concern? Is this not an inferiority complex? And why is it that women seem to be on the forefront of seeking advice and muti to keep marriages intact?
One prophet who operates behind Gwinyai Primary School in Mbare, Harare, told this writer that women were his major customers.
“Blaz, women are my major customers. They come here seeking to know who is bedding their husbands and why? At times they come here seeking muteuro to make their husbands pay towards the upkeep of their families.
“Vakadzi ibusiness rakanaka. Even girls seeking marriage partners bring photographs of their suitors here for vetting. They do not take kindly to sharing a man and the chances of being divorced keep them on their toes,” the self-proclaimed prophet who claimed anonymity said.
Whether he is a true or false prophet is a matter for another day, but that indeed he is providing service to women looking for a love cure is there for everyone to see. Gentle reader, so given to n’angas and prophets have some women become that each free time is spent kumasowe nekun’anga.
Half the time you arrive home to find your wife away, throw away thoughts that she could be running after boyfriends. Hell no. She will be singing at the shrines seeking God to intervene in your marriage to ensure it stands the test of time.
“Marriage is an emotional attachment. There is need to ensure the husband remains focused on providing for the family while I, as the wife will also be providing for his physical and social needs,” a certain lady told this writer. She said there is nothing as respectable in a woman’s world as being called Mrs So and So.
The woman described men as fickle-minded, saying they need to have their movements monitored for the good health of the family. Gentle reader, women have come out guns blazing in defence of their marriages.
They are approaching church leaders, prophets and n’angas to make the unions work.
But are they winning the battles? Is this the right way to go.
As I commit pen to paper gentle reader, men are being made to eat some indescribable things on the prescription of herbalists and village doctors.
Yours truly is told that water used to wash corpses before burial is being funnelled into bottles for sale to married women. If your meals are prepared with this water, you will be just like a dead man who barks no orders at anyone. At times your meals are prepared using all sorts of muti to tame you and keep the mother of the house in control.
Musaite zvakaitwa nevamwe amai,
Vakafunga kuti murume wavo haachavada,
Ndokunotsvanga mupfuhwira,
Ndipo pavakapiwa mushonga waipengesa,
Ivo vaingoti mupfuhwira,
Baba vavekupenga, kubasa havachaenda,
Kana vana havachadzidza, sang the Super Sounds.
True to the song, women should not be blamed for seeking ways to keep marriages intact.
However, they should be mindful of giving poisonous stuff to their husbands in the hope of winning control over them.
Inotambika mughetto.