Online Reporter
Gabriel Manyeruke
CONFIDENCE is not a luxury; it is a lifeline for children.
It is the quiet force that helps them speak up in class, try again after failing and believe they are worthy of love and success.
Yet, in many homes across Zimbabwe and beyond, this precious gift is often chipped away, not by cruelty but by carelessness.
It begins early.
A toddler stumbles while learning to walk, and instead of hearing encouragement, they are met with a sigh of frustration.
A child brings home a drawing, only to be met with silence.
These moments may seem small, but they echo loudly in a child’s mind.
As children grow, the damage deepens.
Constant criticism, with phrases like “Can’t you ever do anything right?”, becomes a soundtrack to their self-worth.
Instead of learning from mistakes, they begin to fear them.
Comparison follows closely behind.
“Why can’t you be more like your cousin?” may be intended as motivation, but it tells a child they are not adequate.
Well-meaning overprotection also teaches them that the world is too dangerous and they are too weak to face it.
Without opportunities to try, fail and learn, they grow timid and dependent.
By the time they reach upper primary or secondary school, many children would have internalised these messages.
The silent damage
Silence can be equally damaging.
When a child performs well in a recital or helps with chores but no one notices, even success feels empty.
Without encouragement, their efforts seem unimportant. Excessive punishment without explanation breeds fear, not growth.
And when children are told to “keep quiet” or “stay out of adult matters”, they learn that their voice does not matter.
Teenagers especially feel the sting of conditional love.
When affection is only shown after achievements, they begin to believe they must earn love. Public shaming, such as scolding in front of siblings or neighbours, adds humiliation to the mix.
Confidence simply cannot thrive in the shadow of shame.
Pressure vs potential
Unrealistic expectations push children into anxiety.
Straight As, first place and flawless behaviour — sometimes, these are not signs of success, but indications of pressure.
When children fall short, they feel like failures. And when parents are too busy for quality time, children equate that absence with being unimportant.
Perhaps most damaging of all is negative labelling. Words like “lazy”, “stupid” or “stubborn” stick longer than bruises.
Children begin to live out the names they are called. When parents say, “You can’t do it”, they plant seeds of doubt that may never be uprooted.
Rebuilding what was lost
But it does not have to be this way.
Confidence can be rebuilt. It starts with listening, encouraging and believing.
It grows when parents correct with kindness, spend time with intention and love, without conditions. Every child deserves a home that builds them up, not one that tears them down.
Let this be a call to every parent, teacher and guardian: Speak life. Your words shape futures. Your silence speaks volumes. And your belief in a child may be the very thing that helps them believe in themselves.
Gabriel Manyeruke is an author and educator at Wise Owl High School in Marondera. Contact details: 0774122288, [email protected]
