Year-end, beginning of another

Morris Mtisi
2014 is behind us. We are all faced with 2015 and today is the ninth day, still freshly smelling of a new dawn of a new year.

Bishops, pastors and other champions of moral rearmament, motivation speakers and others have spoken and written.

As a school teacher and regular ‘plapper’, I cannot forget my constituency and be mum. As an English Language pundit, activist if you like, I do have where I want to begin in this New Year.

“Everything has been said before, But since nobody listens, we have to keep going back and begin all over again,” Andre Gide said. Whether he was a school teacher or not, I do not know or care, but his words speak for me as well as they do for many others.

This is the time to reflect. This is the time to make decisions. A time to ask questions and check our direction and purpose!

If you are a teacher, “Did I in 2014 teach other people’s children the way I would have wanted mine taught? Do I now perfectly understand my role as a teacher to myself and to my protégés? What could I have learnt and taught better?”

If you are a student, “If my parents went to school without all the shoes, the lunch boxes and bicycles or cars I’m privileged with and made it, why wouldn’t I in the midst of so much comfort? Am I going to continue to drown in the pleasures of boyfriends and girlfriends at the expense of my school work? And subscribe, follow, or like social platforms without thinking?”

Well, this or that side of accomplishment, life is about making choices.

What did Albert Einstein mean when he said, “I fear the day when the technology overlaps with our humanity; The world will only have a generation of idiots.”

If the German-born theoretical physicist and philosopher of science feared this day, who are you to believe you are not one of the idiots the way you are addicted to Whatsapp, Tweeter and Face Book and not your school books?

You are an awful generation of students, are you not most of you? Yes, ‘awful’, not ‘awesome’!

Anyway, as this New Year 2015 begins, I want you to decide not to continue to abuse English Language and be a slave to Common Errors in English.

I want you to say, ‘I will now stop saying or writing, “He clapped the little girl in the face,” but “He slapped the little girl in the face.”/ “The reason why he drowned…” but “The reason he drowned…/ The reason the teacher was dismissed…/ The reason she came etc.” I will never use ‘why’ at the end of ‘The reason…’ Why? Because it is repetition!

In 2015 I will not say, “….boasts of”. The business man boasts of his money and properties. That is wrong. ‘He boasted his money and properties’ is correct. He boasts a chain of buses and a fleet of buses — correct! There is no ‘of’ after ‘boasts’ or ‘boasting’.

I will not buy ‘my meat’. Of course this is nonsense! I will instead simply ‘buy meat’ and that meat shall be bought from a butchery — not a butcher.

I will not ‘buy my car’ but ‘a car for myself.’

I will not wear ‘an overall’ or ‘a trousers.’ I will wear overalls or trousers. That is correct. It is a blue overall/trousers is wrong. They are blue overalls/trousers, is correct. My trousers is dirty, is wrong. My trousers are dirty, is correct. Why is this? Because these are pairs (two pieces in one), so we use the plural form. Mwazvizwaa?

I will not say or write, ‘He is a good cooker.’ Of course this is nonsense! A cooker is a utensil. A cook is the person who uses a cooker for cooking. Simple!

I will not refer to a man or woman who cheats on his or her spouse as a ‘cheater’, but a ‘cheat’. A cheater is an animal and the correct spelling is c-h-e-e-t-e-r.

I will not say the teacher was ‘changed’, but transferred. Changed to what…to a snake?

No fundi or graduate has a special right to abuse English Language. We cannot continue to say, ‘in hot soup’ and hope one day it will be correct. ‘In soup’ is enough without any suggestion of the temperature, hot, cold, warm, lukewarm-whatever. ‘In soup’ means ‘in serious trouble.’ It does not have to be hot soup.

Azvimbodhanisi kudzidzirawo kureketa Chiyungu chakati wekee. There is no shame in learning correct expression no matter how many years you have been making the error. We cannot be intellectually arrogant and learn a lot of things.

Stop saying, ‘irregardless of… bla bla’. There is no word like ‘irregardless’ in English. ‘He married the lady irregardless of advice against it,’ is wrong. ‘He married her regardless of advice against it,’ is correct.

Do not talk about your ‘first-born’. Talk about your ‘first-born child’ or ‘eldest child’. No ‘last-born’ but ‘last-born child’ or ‘the youngest’.

‘I saw it with my own eyes’ is repetition. ‘I heard it with my own ears’ too is repetition. This is not emphasis. Simply say/ write ‘I saw it…I heard it.’ Zvapera izvo-period!

A man does not have beards. Where…in his pocket or basket? He wears a beard, a beard, a beard…all the time, even if it covers the whole lower face. You can say though, ‘a heavy beard / a clumsy beard/ a scraggly beard, there’s no problem.

No bank manager or manageress has the right to say to his tellers, ‘Today we must pay all pensioners (pronounced penjeniyaz)’, but ‘pensioners’ pronounced ‘penshnaz.’

We cannot say. “Her dress is pink/ red/ blue/yellow in colour. All these are colours. Why add ‘in colour’ again? Her dress is pink /red / blue yellow etc….zvatokwana!

Teachers! Your students do not ‘go for’ swimming / for shopping / for hunting / for fishing. Remove the ‘for’ and you are done! They go swimming / go hunting / go fishing / go shopping.

None of the nurses ‘is on duty’ is correct. Really? Yes. Not ‘ None of the nurses ‘are’.’

Don’t ask your pupils to ‘pick’ pieces of paper from the classroom floor, but ‘pick up.’

We don’t buy and eat ‘grocery.’ We buy groceries.

They did not buy ‘one dozen of eggs / two liters of cooking oil / 2kgs of rice,’ but ‘one dozen eggs / two litres cooking oil / 2kgs rice etc; ‘of’ ndeweiko? The dozen does not belong to the eggs, but simply ‘one dozen mazai chete! / Two litres cooking oil, soft drink / opaque beer / water / 2kgs rice-etc.

There are countless stubborn errors we make every day in our speeches and writing, but if you decide today to learn them and avoid them 2015 is the year to do it.

This will save you unnecessary embarrassment when you address audiences, facilitate workshops, write stories or reports in newspapers or magazines. Candidates will certainly impress markers and gain better grades. Job-seekers will impress interviewers during interviews.

Do not continue to be a slave of your Common Errors. Do not continue to abuse language or to be more polite, modify it.

An invincible determination can make a student pass any examination and it is in this great accomplishment where great distinction between successful and hopeless candidates lies.

All communication problems in English Language are because we do not listen to emulate good command of English, but simply to understand and in the case of candidates, to be able to answer questions.

Decide this year, 2015, you will at least not repeat these stubborn common errors. Make your 2015 eleventh commandment, ‘Thou shalt not abuse English Language’ or if you are a teacher or some other fundi, ‘Thou shalt not modify acknowledged rules of grammar and language.’