ABOMINATION! l Daughters-in-law take turns to nurse ailing father

Gibson Mhaka/Danisa Masuku
For some the song We Are A Family whose lyrics read like: a�?we care for everybodya��s sakea�? best fits daughters-in-law who have defied cultural barriers to care for their father-in-law in his time of sickness.

Charity Nyathi and Rosemary Mutemeri change their 82-year-old father-in-law Jonathan Mbanjea��sA� (pictured above) diapers and wash his full body, a thing that their neighbours in New Lobengula suburb in Bulawayo find improper.

But before judging the women a�� perhaps the neighbours needed to know the circumstances that have led the brave women to take this step.

Nyathi, the elder of the daughters-in-law told B-Metro that by being married to the mana��s son she signed up for every responsibility that the family was faced with. Good or bad ita��s part of what she signed up for.

a�?At first it was difficult but I am now used to it. Although, it is un-African for a woman to bath or clean herA� father-in-law, I have to because sometimes there will be no one at home to bath or clean him when he messes himself up,a�? she said, showing B-Metro her frail looking father-in-law who couldna��t do much on his own.

Most members of the family such as Mbanjea��s children and grandchildren work and go to school, as such the only people who remain at home are the daughters-in-law.

a�?Normally this is an obligation that is supposed to be done by his children and other male relatives but they are not always at home. My husband and some of babaa��s grandchildren will be at work and I am the only one who does not work,a�? she said adding that she did it with Mutemeri, another daughter-in-law.

B-Metro tracked down Mutemeri to their rural home in Gamana Village under Tongogara area in Shurugwi.

She said they were going through a hard time making sure their sick father-in-law was always clean.

a�?Of course people who dona��t know what my father-in-law is going through are saying what we are doing is taboo but there is nothing we can do since there is no one who is readily available to take care of him except the two of us,a�? said Mutemeri.

For Mutemeri it is not the first time she has nursed an in-law.

a�?I even nursed my late mother-in-law Letwin Mbanje when she was ill. It is unfortunate that my husband is late but traditionally I am supposed to be compensated for the job that I am doing towards my father-in-law. I am not demanding that I should be paid but traditionally failure to do so is tantamount to committing uzimu/ngozi,a�? she said.

Mbanje is grateful for what the women are doing for him at a time when many in his family have neglected him.

a�?Initially they (family) wanted to take me to an old peoplea��s home but I refused because I saw it as a way of dumping me. I salute these two women for taking care of me although it is strange in our African culture for a daughter-in-law to clean her father-in-law. As a sign of gratitude and compensation I am going to give them a beast each,a�? he said.

The issue did not go without some neighbours complaining.

a�?This is strange, we have never seen such a thing in our society, that a woman can bath her father-in-law and even change him diapers despite the fact that he is sick. Cleaning or bathing him should be done by his sons, grandsons and other male relatives, not a daughter-in-law.

a�?Although it is a family arrangement we find it weird considering that the old man still has sons and grandsons who can be caregivers,a�? said a neighbour who requested anonymity for fear of reprisals.

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