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Relationships: Nhlalwenhle Ncube
IT’S difficult to change a person, and it’s never wise to try. Instead, focus on adapting to them. If you find adaptation challenging, it might be time to reconsider the relationship.
Leaving a relationship is never easy, but it can be prevented by understanding the difference between “changing” and “adapting.”
Imagine being in a long-term relationship where one partner suddenly becomes unbearable. It’s crucial to remember that forcing change is futile. The individual must be the one to initiate change. Your role is to adapt.
If you can, compromise and learn to adapt with one another. This will result in a more positive and unconscious change, without force. The practice of adapting might even motivate, mould, or change the person without their knowledge.
All changes impact a relationship. Learning to adapt and adjust when life happens will help you to be less fearful when change comes knocking. Like every great building, relationships need a strong foundation from which to grow.
If your relationship is already tumultuous, working through change can be challenging. Building a base of trust in your relationship early on is the way to go. If this hasn’t happened, now is a perfect time to start.
Remember, love is powerful and it can endure. And most important to building enduring trust is to mean what you say and say what you mean.
Avoid being a dictator in each other’s processing of change and let them adapt in their own way. It’s a big mistake to enforce change on someone, so don’t expect your partner to respond to change the way you do.
Often, change can produce resentment, which can bleed into the bedroom. Allow yourselves the pleasure of sharing each other’s bodies, let your guard down, and reconnect. During times of adapting, be sweet.
Send kind texts, remind your partner that you love them. Life as a couple is sweeter when you know your partner has your back, that you’re not alone, and that your loved one is rooting for you in and outside of the relationship.
Change will come whether you’re ready or not. However, learning to deal with it together will make life richer while deepening your relationship and better preparing you for the inevitable changes to come.
Both of you are super pals, and one of you has a habit that pisses the other person off after a while, but you want to keep the friendship. You can never change a person just because of a certain trait they have that pisses you off.
The truth is that an irritating trait might not be irritating to anyone else but you. And to change it just to please you becomes rather selfish. Instead, take prolonged breaks in between meet-ups to freshen up yourself.
Give yourself some space first, then get back together or limit meet-ups to just calls or texts before you can really adapt to his/her traits. You might want to talk to him/her about it too!
At times, you find that you’re a super introvert and you need some quiet time on your own once in a while, and your partner walks like an elephant. Nevertheless, the relationship is golden, and you love her to the moon and back.
You can either plug in a pair of noise-cancelling earphones or leave the house whenever you need a quiet time. Also, be sure to talk to one another first before doing so. You can’t force her to walk like a mouse after years of walking like an elephant now, can you?
Sometimes, we need to take a step back and look at all the different angles in front of us. We need to adapt to situations while keeping them intact for the best outcomes.
Don’t go all “brave-heart-ish” and force a change. No one owes anyone anything. In fact, as I’ve mentioned earlier, you might be the only one who is ticked off by that person’s issue.
Trying to change a partner leaves them feeling annoyed and resentful of the attempts made to change them. How we think and behave towards others is based on deep-rooted behavioural patterns that have evolved over many years, usually since childhood.
There’s a powerful force in everyone’s personal psychology that makes us act in a certain way to get our needs met, and often times we’re unaware of what that drive is or the need we’re trying to meet.
Until your partner realises and accepts that their actions and behaviours are causing issues for them and for you, they are unlikely to change, so most times you need to adapt. Be helpful rather than critical. No one likes to be criticised.
Most people are resistant to change when they feel they are being criticised or attacked for being themselves.
Even when your actions might cause issues for others, it’s difficult to realise and understand the connection between actions and consequences. It is important to reflect on what it is you are trying to change about your partner and try to find the cause of those behaviours.
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Online Reporter