Online Reporter
Fadzayi Maposah
Correspondent
FEAR is on the expensive side. Fear forces us to do so many things that we may have never done if we were not afraid.
At times fear makes us never reach our full potential and then one day we look back and wish that we had not been so afraid.
Relationships are complex. They become more complicated, the older that we get. When one is young, the issues that affect relationships may not run as deep as they do in the later years.
I remember when we were young, the trifles between friends was based on some things that when we look back at now think were minor, but when it was happening, it seemed very major.
Thankful for older relatives, parents and guardians included who assisted us and allowed us to see through the challenges and resolve issues with other friends.
Looking back now, the older relatives did not use the term life skills, but they empowered us. We were taught to always value relationships and our role in those set ups. Our relationships with friends helped in shaping connections later in life.
How difficult is it to talk to someone about very sensitive issues? Now this someone is not just somebody whom you will have met on the streets, but someone with whom there is a relationship.
Communication is very critical in any relationship. When it is no longer there, just as flowers shrink and die when they are not watered, the relationship will fail. Relationships at all levels are affected by lack of communication.
I once told myself that I needed to downsize my cellphone’s contact list. Some of the people who are my contacts last talked to me many months ago.
So using a bench mark of people who do not talk to me that much, I set out to reduce the contact list.
I guess the mistake that I made was to post on my social media handles that I was to downsize my contact list and I would be deleting some.
On that particular day, I got many messages from people who asked how I was. I felt special that there were many people reaching out, only to realise later that they were afraid that they would be deleted from the contact list! Then the process of clearing the contact said not proceed as initially planned.
Then I said to myself again that I would wait for people to reach out to me first, then I would respond. On some days I did not get any good morning messages from the people that I was so sure wanted to check on me every morning.
I was a disappointment and with time I learnt that I may not be as important to some people as I thought I was. It is not easy to swallow.
Fearing that I may not to be important to some people resulted in me initially having to reach out a lot more than before, just checking the friendship and networks, then I got tired again. It seemed that I was always putting in more effort than the other parties.
I was reminded of this when this week I was at a training and I jokingly asked the participants who were all away from home to just send a message to the ones that they love that they missed them. The responses were varied.
Some said that they will not attempt since they last acknowledged missing their loved ones a long time ago. Never too late to start, I encouraged. Some said that they would give it a try.
I then gave an example of saying I love you to someone, only to get okay as a reply! Why do people do such things? Is it because they do not know how they should communicate or the emotions are not as the other party expects them?
I was also told that some things are just obvious. When one is away from home, they will miss home and their loved ones! Really is it that obvious? What about verbalizing the obvious and making time to say it?
Some colleagues said that sending the “love you” or “miss you” messages can sometimes trigger episodes of violence as one is asked or nagged to share the real intended beneficiary of the message as it will be viewed as being lost.
That the message had reached its intended beneficiary would not be easily accepted.
Messages that have ended up in the wrong hands have affected many relationships, resulting in broken trust. Some of these messages that have ended up in wrong hands have then been widely shared with others “as proof” of what the other party would have done. Even when the message gets to the right beneficiary, at times the one who is sending it may feel they have lost control of how far it can go and are afraid it may be shared with other people that they would rather not know. Sad.
Intimacy in relationships should not just be physical.
Physical contact, while important, should not be the start and end of relationships. The emotional aspect where one is able to share and care is very critical. Communicated emotions boost relationships.
Why wait to just say “too” as in miss you too, love you too, value you too? Why not just initiate the sharing of the emotions?
Fear may stop some people from going first. Fear is expensive, and it will hinder healthy relationships. As I write this, there are Christmas Carols playing in the background.
This festive season, choose healthy relationships and be the first to initiate communication with the ones you love.
It will be easier to eat the so much food that will be shared this festive season without that lump of unshared emotions on your throat!
#Day 340 of 365 in year 2025.
