Ghetto Blast: Leadership no stroll in the park

today’s instalment.
According to the dictionary, a boss is a person who exercises control over workers.
He or she is a person responsible for hiring workers and a person who exercises control and makes decisions.
A boss is a leader in a political party who controls votes and dictates appointments.
No matter how ennobling this sounds, being a boss is a kind of a cup you would wish away if financial rewards did not dictate one’s lifestyle.
In today’s lexicon, if you are a boss it will be take-take because all eyes will be on you.
There is just something weird about bosses that almost everyone wants to talk about them.
Their drinking habits, dressing, etiquette, wives and children form the subject of discussions during teabreaks or lunch.
Even at the braai spots where people roast salty chews to titillate the tastebuds, people will be talking about their bosses.
“Haa shefu wangu akadziya,” “Wedu anemahwani,” Wekugraft kwedu muwanzas, nhingi anehutsinye dai Mwari vamutora zvavo,” you hear people saying at the expense of other stories or the actual business of drinking beer.
At n’angas, apostolic sect shrines, it’s even worse.
People will be queueing with names of their bosses on pieces of paper to get all sorts of muti to be seen in good light and perhaps get an early promotion.
Countless workers even go on days of research. Trying to find the boss’ likes and dislikes and even glean information about their family just to get close.
Gentle reader, it is an undisputable truth that most people grew up in economically deprived backgrounds owing to the repressive colonial regime.
This resulted in most people failing to realise their dreams and achieve a lot in school, but thanks to independence, Zimbabweans are working their way to the top.
Blacks are now holding dignified positions in most companies, but the problem they have is that many of them do not know how to handle their new status.
Making blacks bosses has made us see a lot.
They either buy everyone beer, kick everyone or some not-so-wise relatives do this on their behalf.
Vamwe vanokanya vega, vamwe vachikanyirwa.
Once one is appointed a boss, he seizes to be himself. It’s as if his rights have temporarily been suspended.
The moment people hear one is a boss at their place of work, they saddle him with countless problems needing immediate solutions.
People from all walks of life will approach you with all sorts of CVs for their relatives, children and even girlfriends in need of jobs.
If you are not careful, some of the CVs will be buttressed by non-existent diplomas and doctored O’Level certificates.
“Even if there are no vacancies at present, I know you still need Chiedza’s CV so that you slot her in as soon as there is an opening. Wati mwana angashupike muHarare here ivo sekuru vake vari Chamakwengwerengwe?” you hear people telling their relatives who are lucky enough to hold positions of authority at their places of work.
Some people working for your downfall will even offer you some wifely favours, which do not augur well with the professional world we are living in.
Your mind may be swayed by a chocolate-skinned woman with milky white teeth and kissable lips to the point of offering her a job without proper qualifications.
If you are a boss you need to be very careful.
Some people will approach you with fraudulent overtime claims blackmailing you in the process that failure to append your signature to their claims shows you are a weakling.
“What kind of a boss are you who cannot sign even an overtime claim form. Unoti urikutonga chii kana isu vekwako tichidya nhoko dzezvironda. Tisainire apa,” some acquaintances will tell you straight in the eye while holding a pint of beer during working hours.
Gentle reader, being a boss is all about compromise and having to spend much of your time dealing with people’s problems at the expense of yours.
If you have US$5, you are likely to spend it all on other people’s problems from those needing transport assistance to those needing a drink and even friends desperate to wring cash from you.
Being a boss is not as easy as it seems.
It’s quite a challenge.
If you are a boss, and one not so strong, you may end up failing to instil discipline in people because all they tell you is “watirasa,” “wavakukanganwa wechidhaka,” and “unoti kambani inoendepi . . . . rova izi mhani.”
Instilling financial discipline even at home can be a problem if you are a boss.
Your wife will be going around buying whatever people have on display to show the world that they are straddling on the fertile crescent or to send the message loud and clear that they have arrived.
The mother of the house might change her entire wardrobe to show people that chaitemura chave kuseva.
“Ah . . . vasikana ini handipfeke rokwe kaviri. Rinopedzisira rondivava kana kuti vanhu vondiziva. Ndiri mukadzi wengwere ka ini. Torai chikafu chose chiri muno mumba nekuti kumurume wangu mari marara,” you hear women married to affluent guys saying.
In most cases if one is a boss, financial indiscipline and abuse of women emerges as their waterloo.
On being appointed boss, most men run on their swords by thinking everything in dresses must be bedded. They lose restraint and end up dipping their fingers in company coffers resulting in instant dismissal.
At the workplace, being a boss can be a major challenge if you do not associate with others. They will certainly find a way of getting at you.
The moment you become a boss, you should know all and sundry will start visiting n’angas and prophets to get where you are.
Some will tell you in jest that you are too young for the post. Others will behave in ways that make you angry before starting to accuse you of immaturity.
Some female workmates will spend all the money in their purse to pull you down.
Concocted rape cases will become the order of the day.
Being a boss is a challenge and once caught flat-foot-ed, your trek back to the ghetto becomes imminent.