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IT’S a crazy world.
Method Mwanjali is pulling down his pants on the pitch, Ndumiso Gumede is threatening to stab someone with a knife and Phillip Chiyangwa says as long as he is Zifa boss Papa Mashingaidze will remain the head of secretariat.
As we conclude this second month of the year 2016, I prophesy an overflow: An overflow of controversy, an overflow of Wicknel Chivayo bootlicking stories, an overflow of juicy quotes from new Dynamos coach Paulo Jorge Silva, and an overflow of demands on Lloyd Chitembwe by Caps United fans.
At the rate at which things are unfolding nothing should shock you as 2016 unfolds. We are entering a season of supernatural lunacy.
What do you do when a referee is paying a deaf ear to your genuine concern that the match cannot continue because of bad light?
Just pull down your shorts to drive the point home. That is the method of Method Mwanjali.
We just hope Mwanjali’s underwear was clean when he decided to pull that stunt away in Mozambique last Saturday.
Of all the things he could have done to make his case heard, why did Method settle for pulling down his shorts? Now what do you do when your players try to replicate the Messi/Suarez passed penalty to disastrous effect? Simple really. Just punish the guy who came up with the not-so-brilliant idea.
How do you punish? Make him do sit-ups in front of the fans.
That is the modus operandi, not modus vivendi, of Paulo Jorge Silva, the DeMbare gaffer who ordered Rodreck Mutuma to do sit-ups after that debacle against Hwahwa at Rufaro last Sunday.
Clearly there are some school teacher traits in the Portuguese of dubious coaching credentials.
Just a word for Mutuma, it’s good to try something you have seen on television but you don’t have to follow it to the letter. You can improvise a bit.
Why did Valentine Ndaba line up to the right, just as Suarez did?
The mop-haired boy could have chosen the left side or just followed behind Mutuma. Lining up on the right made it very predictable.
To Gumede we go.
This one needs a quote. Quote, not quart, you drunkard!
“I know he is big but he must be told that I grew up in Mzilikazi at R Square and it’s just because of civilisation otherwise I know how to use a knife,” Gumede is quoted as having said during the unveiling of Erol Akbay as the new Bosso coach.
The man Gumede was referring to is retired wrestler Allan “Ripper” Moyo.
The Bosso chief executive was not happy with the way Moyo made a “nuisance” of himself during the team’s AGM, hence the shocking outburst.
The thought of an obese Gumede trying to stab someone as big as Moyo with a knife makes me want to cry – with laughter.
What would an African tale be without the mention of juju?
Ngezi Platinum vice-chairman Lawrence Nhongo thought we weren’t watching, he thought withdrawing his extortion case at the courts would stop us from having a good laugh at him.
He thought wrong.
Maybe the name doesn’t ring a bell to most of you but this is the guy who allegedly lost US$6 400 to a traditional healer he had hired to perform rituals at his home.
Nhongo is said to have bathed in water filled with all sorts of herbs before the man he had hired disappeared with three mobile phones worth US$2 100 and US$4 300 in cash.
The Ngezi Platinum administrator later withdrew the case against Daniel Kandodo but that was not before we had a good laugh.
As Makandiwa once said, gore rino, iro rino … I foresee fireworks.
VaShagare exits the scene.
VaShagare is the founder of DeMbare DotComs and can be contacted on that Facebook page and at shagare18area.gmail.com
Bongani Ndlovu
Online Reporter