Sundaymail Editor
Mudzimba
Dr Rebecca Chisamba
Dear Amai, I hope this message finds you well. I am a 24-year-old woman who has been in a relationship with the same man for the past four years. He is 26. We are now considering marriage.
Last week was my birthday and my boyfriend arranged for a friend of his to deliver a present to my office in his absence.
To my surprise, the card inside the parcel had the wrong name written on it. The gift was a digital watch — exactly the same as the one he gave me last year.
The writing and signature on the card were undoubtedly his, which has left me heartbroken. I have not confronted him about this yet, as he is currently out of town on official business.
I feel confused and uncertain about how to handle the situation. Should I bring it up now or wait for his return?
I am beginning to feel as though our relationship may not have a future. Please help me.
Response
Thank you for reaching out. I hope you are doing well. Your situation is indeed delicate, as we are dealing with many unknowns.
Regarding the parcel, it is unclear whether the gift was intended for you or someone else.
It is crucial to ask your boyfriend for clarity once he returns. In the meantime, take a moment to reflect on your relationship.
Have there been any red flags in the past that you may have overlooked?
It is important to evaluate these before taking steps towards marriage.
While the situation may seem suspicious, please try to remain calm and give him an opportunity to explain himself.
Present the card and gift to him, and let him clarify the circumstances. Only after that can you decide on the next steps.
I would be happy to hear from you again as the situation unfolds.
***************
The truth will set us free
Dear Amai, thank you very much for providing this platform; it truly offers valuable life lessons. My husband has been asked to be a groomsman for his friend’s wedding, which is scheduled to take place in six months.
Unfortunately, we are struggling financially and I do not think we can meet the expenses involved.
The groomsmen are expected to purchase their own suits, shirts and shoes, and contribute towards a wedding gift.
I suggested that my husband speak honestly with his friend and explain our situation, but he feels it would be too embarrassing to admit.
How can we navigate this situation in a respectful and civil manner?
Response
Hello, and thank you for reaching out. Your husband’s situation is indeed challenging, but honesty is always the best policy.
It would be far better for him to step away from the role early than to face the risk of disappointing the bride and groom later on.
Encourage him to be truthful with his friend and share the financial difficulties you are experiencing. It is not a sign of weakness but of courage and maturity.
If you have a good relationship with the groom, you could offer to go together and have a private conversation with him.
Your husband will need your support and approaching this as a united team will show sincerity.
Remind him that weddings are not about financial obligations but the bonds of friendship and love.
Guests and participants should give what they can, and it should come from the heart. I would be happy to hear from you again.
***************
I miss home
I am a 16-year-old girl currently attending school.
At home, we have a full-time househelp.
I try to assist her with house chores whenever I can, but sometimes my school workload makes it difficult for me to do so. I live with my aunt — my father’s sister — and she is quite strict with me.
She does not have a good relationship with my mother and I often bear the consequences of their strained relationship. My aunt insists that I help the househelp more and this forces me to wake up very early and go to bed very late.
Sometimes, I am unable to complete my homework because of these responsibilities. Trying to discuss my struggles with her seems pointless, as she often tells others that I am lazy.
I miss my parents and feel much more comfortable living with them back in the village.
I have been contemplating not returning to my current school when it reopens. Why should I be doing housework all the time when someone is already employed to handle it?
Response
Greetings, dear writer. I think you are building a storm in a teacup. You make it sound so awful.
If you long to go back to the village school, why did you leave in the first place? Instead of further straining the relationship between your mother and aunt, you can bring them together by working on your attitude. Your aunt is like your big sister; sit down with her and show her your school workload.
She will most likely appreciate your situation and make the necessary adjustments. Even though you have a full-time helper, it is natural to assist with household tasks when you can — it shows responsibility and teamwork. However, these chores should not jeopardise your education.
Avoid frequently changing schools, as this can disrupt your academic progress and long-term goals.
Feedback: beckychisamba @gmail.com
Online Reporter