Online Reporter
Laina Makuzha
LOVE by DESIGN
I hope I find you well and engaged or ready to engage in this season with so many activities to foster love and promote kindness. Some of these are spilling from October into November, such as the Breast Cancer Awareness in October, World Polio Day on October 24, or 16 Days of Activism against Gender-Based Violence coming up later this month of November, among many other commemorations in this quarter.
This week I am moved to touch on how kindness can help foster peace in the home especially. I have witnessed the devastating impact of cruel words, hurtful actions, and bitter disputes, leaving scars that can take years to heal.
Some time last week, while going about some errands in Harare, I came across a handful of people gathering around a family fighting over maintenance issues and custody of a child. From what I could pick from the emotional voices, they were coming from some legal proceeding where the outcome displeased the youthful father of the child.
Their voices were so loud in the midst of opinions from the small crowd who also had their own views, with some onlookers playing commentators, and recounting the story with animated exaggeration.
From onlookers’ accounts I gathered, a few physical blows had been exchanged before I arrived, the young father was bleeding and telling his side of the story with frustration, to a few individuals who were ready kutenga nyaya and to mete their own instant “justice”. Some were consoling him while others had no kind words.
Just a few days before that, I had walked for a couple of street blocks, behind a couple who were also coming from court, arguing over maintenance of a child. What puzzled me was how they were arguing, with unbelievable threats towards each other and speaking with hand gestures that gave away even from a distance, that there was disagreement in their conversation, yet walking together nonetheless, showing they were actually going somewhere together.
They did not seem to care who was looking. Part of me wanted to speed up my pace, and intervene, to try bring peace between them but I knew I was ill-equipped for that role.
I eventually caught up with them and heard them upclose, at a pedestrian crossing and just went my way, but their conflict lingered in my mind.
Within the same week, I read a story of a woman who allegedly sliced open her husband’s stomach in a dispute over a loan owed somewhere.
These are only a few examples of the pain and challenges some couples and families are encountering, and the puzzling inclination towards violence.
As I reflect on these and countless stories of broken relationships, my heart aches for the pain and hurt that lingers long after the love has faded. But amidst the darkness, I want to shine a light on the transformative power of kindness — a beacon of hope that can mend broken hearts and nurture love.
In Zimbabwe, where family and community ties are deeply valued, it is heartbreaking to see relationships crumble under the weight of anger and resentment.
In the street cases I mentioned, I wondered what I could have or should have done to help if at all- hence the desire to remind us all about one of the many ways we all can improve relationships,whether romantic or in a work environment or even in the street.
I draw wisdom and guidance from biblical reference which I have found to always be on point, or from just thinking: “What would Jesus do?”
However, whether one is a person of faith or not, kindness is more than just a virtue; it is a choice we make every day to prioritise love, respect, and compassion in our relationships.
Kindness is not just about grand gestures; it can be about the tiny, often-overlooked moments that can make all the difference. It is about choosing to listen, to validate and to forgive — being present, empathetic and understanding.
When conflicts arise, as they inevitably will, choose kindness over cruelty or hostility. Choose empathy over resentment and understanding over bitterness. Remember, your words and actions have the power to heal or hurt. Will you choose to uplift and support, or tear down and destroy? Think of the consequences of your choice.
In broken relationships we have often seen vindictiveness, with some people engaging the “revenge” approach, or seeking to “fix” the former partner. To all the men and women reeling from the complexities of relationships, I urge you: do not underestimate the power of kindness in the resolution or healing process. Even if you must walk away, where, (God forbid), irreconcilable differences exist — do it with dignity. It is not weakness. I see it as strength and courage.
To the young man I met, who told his side of the story with anger and tears —and to all those struggling to cope with the aftermath of a broken relationship, I want you to know that you are not alone.
Your pain is real, but so is your capacity for kindness. Do not let the hurt define you; let it refine you. Choose to rise above the pain and cultivate kindness, not just for others, but really for yourself.
If strife is a constant bother in your relationship or home, try a little kindness everyday. You can start small — a kind word, a gentle touch, a listening ear. Watch how it transforms your world, one interaction at a time.
Charity begins at home, and kindness starts with you. What can you do today to promote kindness? The world is waiting . . .
In the meantime, I would love to hear from you, how have you worked around hurt and kindness in your relationships? What has helped you heal and move forward or are you still struggling to deal with it? Share your story and let us build a community of love, support, and understanding.
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