Chronicle Editor
Nolwazi Mnikwa, Relationships
The term self-seeking can be defined as having concern for one’s own interests and welfare before that of others. A self-seeking person is one who is self-serving, self-regarding, self-absorbed, self-interested, inward-looking, selfish, uncaring and inconsiderate. This is the kind of person who does not care to think how his or her behaviour, words and actions impact others. The individual is only concerned about themselves and his or her actions, words and behaviour are testament to that. Self-seeking individuals are always looking to do things in a manner that gives them advantage over others.
In the workplace, a self-seeking colleague is the one who is constantly approaching management to tattletale or badmouth his or her colleagues. This is the kind of person who somehow believes that this kind of behaviour will earn them recognition or better yet a promotion; not realising that this behaviour actually works to his or her disadvantage.
This, however, is a topic of discussion for another day. A self-seeking colleague will tattletale or badmouth his or her colleagues even on matters that are not work related, all in a bid to discredit colleagues in the hope of a promotion or some kind of recognition. In some instances, a self-seeking colleague can go to the extent of fabricating information just to get the next person fired from their role, this done in twisted hope for a promotion or recognition of some sort. If you have a friend whom you know has a tendency of approaching management to discredit others, I would encourage you to be cautious of them as he or she may very well be discrediting you in the process. Self-seeking individuals have no loyalty, their number one concern is themselves; therefore if opportunity arises and you happen to be in their way, they will not hesitate to push you aside.
In marriage, a self-seeking spouse is one who prioritises the term “I” instead of “we”. This is the kind of person who is only concerned about his or her goals, growth, progress, desires and needs being met. The kind of spouse who does not stop to think of his or her spouse’s needs, goals, desires, progress or growth and as a result, he or she does not help the spouse grow in any way let alone help the spouse work towards his or her goals.
What a self-seeking spouse does not realise is that one can chase a thousand and two can chase ten thousand, meaning that two people working together in unity can achieve far much more than what one person working in isolation can. A self-seeking spouse is one who will not consider his or her spouse in decision making, neither will he or she consider how the spouse will feel or respond to decisions he or she would have made. All that matters to a self-seeking spouse is that the decisions made are to their favour.
In helping your spouse realise his or her self-seeking disposition, you are showing love to them and if your spouse responds by dealing with this negative self-seeking disposition, he or she is showing love to you.
There are parents who live their dreams through their children, they direct their children towards the achievement of their dreams and they do not stop to think what it is their children aspire to be.
This is a self-seeking trait exhibited by parents as the parents will be prioritizing their desires above those of their children.
As a parent, you naturally want what is best for your child, you want to see your child excel, you want to see them prosper and you want to see them successful. As a parent you have also been on this earth much longer than your children, you know what is right and what is wrong, you know the impact of certain decisions, you know the consequences of certain actions and all you want to do is to protect your children from making errors that will negatively affect them. You love your children and you want what is best for them. There is however the need to draw the line between your desires imposed on your children and their desires. So instead of imposing your dreams, aspirations, vision and desires on your children, it would be ideal for you to sit down with your children and chat with them about their desires, dreams, hopes, aspiration and vision.
As a parent, it is also important for you to make time to spend with your children. At times parents get so caught up in chasing their dreams that they neglect their children’s needs and desires to spend time with their parents. Additionally there are parents who get exhausted with work and business and frequently engage in “me time” at the expense of their children. As a parent your3 children deserve to spend quality time with you, they deserve more that the evenings you give attention to them after work during the week or the late afternoons you give attention to them on weekends after spending time with your friends.
Selflessness in parenting involves you recognizing that your children need to spend time with you and making the time to spend with them, to pay with them as well as to take them out for lunch, dinner and ice-cream. This “me time” aspect is also found in marriage as well where one spouse is constantly on “me time” mode at the expense of the other spouse. If you look at it, the “me” is prioritizing the “I” and not the “we” in marriage or parenting. Do not get me wrong, you deserve time to sit, think and reflect, but it should not be at the expense of your spouse and children. Basically what I am saying is do not abuse the term “me time”, as some do to avoid spending quality time with their spouses and children.
As a friend if you want all the attention to be directed towards you, all the decisions to be made in favour of you, then you are displaying characteristics of being a self-seeking individual. When a group of friends decide to go out for lunch, a self-seeking friend will always want their favourite spots to be picked always, failure to which he or she either sulks, gets angry, forgoes the lunch or uses reverse psychology to make his or her friends have lunch at the place of his or her choice.
A self-seeking friend will always want to be the center of attention, he or she does not really care about his or her friends’ lives, issues or concerns, he or she does not take the time to attentively listen to his or her friends. As long as the topic of discussion is not about him or her or their interests, a self-seeking person does not care to listen or be involved in the conversation. Friendship like marriage is not one person centered as it involves more than one person. Marriage involves two people whereas friendships involve two or more people. So in friendship just as it is in marriage, there is no room for one to be self-seeking, self-centred or self-serving.
I would love to hear your thoughts, comments and feedback as well as relationship topics you would like to have covered. You may send these to [email protected] or to +263775978857. Keep safe and be blessed.
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